Friday, May 19, 2006

if i can make it there, i'll make it anywhere

My 9 hour drive to the Ohio-Pennsylvania border (my pit stop on the trek to NY) took me 10.5 hours, thanks to evening rush hour traffic in Chicago. I really do enjoy going 4 miles an hour - does wonders for the gas mileage. And northwest Indiana smells like mung.

Dear Guy Behind Me on the Dan Ryan,

I'm sorry if I grossed you out when I started spitting mouthfuls of water out of my car window. See, I figured that I should make use of the two hours it took for me to drive from the Northwest 'Burbs to the Southeast 'Burbs, and used that time to whiten my teeth. As the goop from the Crest Whitestrips leaves a nasty film on my teeth, I had to rinse it out. Multitasking is a skill, and I can't help it if I excel at it. Besides, the sight of U.S. Cellular Field makes me want to heave.

Sox suck,
Me

Dear Douchebags on I-80 in Ohio,

It's a one-lane road through a construction zone. Unlike you, I have neither a death wish nor the funds with which to pay the doubled fines for speeding in a work zone. I'm also fairly certain that the guy in the van in front of me is wasted, and I'm trying to stay away from him. So drop the hemorrhoid act and BACK OFF!

Someone pass the Preparation H,
Me.

UPDATE...

Dear Northern Pennsylvania,

You're really pretty. However, the drive would have been much more scenic if you carved a Starbucks into the side of a mountain. Trust me.

Capitalism rules,
Me.

Dear Studio that Distributes "The Da Vinci Code",

You know, it probably wasn't the best idea to include a trailer for "World Trade Center" in the copies that were sent to theaters in the New York metro area. Some folks just aren't ready for that.

Just a suggestion,
Me.

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6 Comments:

At 8:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How's your note going?

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger Dangerous Mind said...

Done.

Meanwhile, my mother was telling me about the husband of one of her co-workers, who attends the Univ. of Texas law school - and they have a full month to complete their law review application.

Now I'm not saying I would've taken the whole month, but I would've at least been able to, you know, proofread.

 
At 10:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

proofreading is so overrated.

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger Andy said...

You know, I live in Madison, Wisconsin, I grew up in Arizona, and I haven't been back to New York since September 11th, but even I thought that the fucking trailer for World Trade Center should not have been sprung on the unsuspecting Da Vinci code audience without warning. I think it's reprehensible that that movie and United 93 or whatever the other one was were made, and I've sworn never to see them. I think they're too fucking much. And to have that shit just come up on screen... it wasn't cool. I can't imagine how people that lived through it felt.

 
At 8:59 PM, Anonymous JB said...

1). Ohio, for all its drawbacks, is a lovely state. I've been stranded here since last week.

2). Fuck "The Da Vinci Code". Worst piece I've seen in some time.

3). Double Fuck "WTC". Too soon? It will never be the right time.

4). Pardon my french.

5). How are you? Cliff hasn't got you down I hope.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger Dangerous Mind said...

People in the theater were crying after that preview. I'd say half of the people there knew someone who died in the trade center that morning. I agree that it didn't need to be made in the first place (and DEFINITELY not with Nicolas effing Cage), but if they had to make it, they should realize that most people in the NY area aren't ready to see it.

I actually didn't mind the movie, but (a) the book was way better, and (b) I hate Tom Hanks with a passion...the last thing of his I liked was "Bosom Buddies".

Yo JB- I'm holding up okay. I'm trying my hardest to repress the memory of Cliff's exam. It's sort of working (but'll probably get screwed up once grades come out). The fact that I got the heck out of Madison has helped, I think. Ohio treating you okay?

 

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