Saturday, November 26, 2005

cover letter for summer job (draft #2)

Dear Former Bosses at the Law Firm:

Hi, remember me? I was the super-sweet analyst that left to go to law school in Wisconsin at the end of the summer? I was the one having shots forced down her throat at Stoolies for her going away party and subsequently got sick watching the video for U2's "Vertigo".

Anyway, I need a job for the summer. And I figured that, since I already know how the firm works, I should come work for you. Big Dave always needs lackeys, and I make an awesome lackey. Plus, the softball team is going to need some serious help at first base, because someone has to catch the bad throws from the shortstop(s).

In making this consideration, please forget the fact that I used to do the following:

- show up at 9:45 every morning and bill the e-mails I read while getting ready for work as if I showed up at 8:30
- pasted co-workers heads onto Richard Simmons's body in MS Paint
- sit at Kathy's cube for an hour a day talking about nothing
- take hour and a half lunches and justify them because I was working at home while getting ready for work
- sit on the internet half of the day looking for pictures of hot guys to send around the office
- send out inflammatory e-mails about the suckage that is the Baltimore Orioles to O's fans
- wear flip flops on a daily basis
- bring in my laptop so that I could watch afternoon Cubs games on
- spin around in my chair because I had no work and bill it to the client

Also don't take into consideration the fact that I'm not very good at law school. Just remember that I was the awesomest boss ever and that I pretty much did my boss's work for her. Remember that time when I worked through my entire trip to my parents' house in Texas because my boss needed someone to do her work for her? Yeah. I'm awesome.

Mostly, I just want to spend the summer in Richmond drinking with my friends before they all disperse throughout the country.

So if you could hire me, that would be great.


p.s. Also, please disregard the fact that I used to get into fights with coworkers and slam a few doors every now and then. I promise that I'll play nice. Unless someone makes me mad.


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