Tuesday, May 23, 2006

please check your brain at the mason-dixon line

A few tidbits from the drive from New York to Elliot Yamin's my hometown of Richmond, Virginia...

Me: Can I get a grande sugar-free hazelnut mocha light frappuccino?
Barista: [thinks] Do you want that hot or cold?
Me: (umm...isn't the definition of "frappuccino" a cold, tasty beverage?) I want the mocha light frappuccino with sugar-free hazelnut syrup.
Barista: [grimaces] Eww. [punches order in]
Me (thinking): (You're judging me? You work at a Starbucks at a roadside oasis along I-95 in Maryland, and you're passing judgment on me??? Furthermore, I don't pay over 4 bucks for your commentary on my choice of beverage. I am paying for coffee, which means that you give me coffee, we exchange pleasantries, and I go on my way. THAT IS HOW THIS WORKS!)

...standing at the grocery store where I used to work, buying a candy bar...

Employee: How are you doing?
Me: Good. (pays self-checkout machine)
Employee: You know, if you keep eating those, you're going to gain back all of the weight you lost.
Me (thinking): (You haven't seen me for six months, and that's what you have to say to me? That buying a delicious candy treat will make me fat? It's ONE candy bar. So I haven't been to the gym in the week because I've been, oh, driving ACROSS THE COUNTRY. I'm not in here every day buying these Reese's Cups. You have no basis for this comment about me continuing to eat candy bars. And oh yeah - you are NOT my mother. So let me eat my treat in peace.)

I had barely been in town twelve hours when I got recruited to play softball with my former firm's team tomorrow night. There may be t-shirts made celebrating my one-night-only appearance on the field. You know, kind of like Cher's farewell tour, except I'm not going to be making one-night-only appearances until I'm 80 and on my sixth nose.

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At 6:51 PM, Blogger Kirsten said...

If you see Elliot, tell him I totally wanted him to win

At 10:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Minute on the lips, forever on the hips...

At 3:12 PM, Blogger Dangerous Mind said...

(1) Any world in which I can't enjoy the occasional chocolatey treat is not a world in which I want to live.

(2) I'm on vacation.

(3) I go to the gym for, like, two hours a day when I'm at home. Therefore, any weight related to #2 will not last forever.

(4) It was none of her business anyway.



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