Wednesday, November 15, 2006

strategies for your on-call day

As a 2L, I've had the pleasure of being on-call a few times (most memorably, the Property Class Shanghai of '06). So, I decided that qualifies me to give some advice for on-call days. (Much like writing for shows about relationships and coining one now-famous phrase qualifies you to have a talk show about relationships. Yes, Greg Behrendt, I'm looking at you.)

Here's what you do - you watch either that episode of "The Office" where Michael gets hopped up on sugar from his sweet soft pretzel with "the works" and speaks four paragraphs of dialogue in 30 seconds ("The Initiation" - available for download on iTunes) - or any episode of "Gilmore Girls" (the old ones...before the Mrs. Christopher Hayden debacle) - and you mimic the speech patterns. Perhaps go on YouTube to find video of the MicroMachines guy (John Mochitta) talking ridiculously fast.

Then, you drink about six Red Bulls before going to class. (Vodka not recommended, as will likely slow speech pattern.)

Then you answer the professor's questions, making sure that every six words you speak sounds like one unintelligible monster word. That way, your peers will have no way to discern anything you say. Since transcribing your comments reads something like "lijdjskhfederalismlkhsdfdsfdueprocessduskhfskd", no one will be able to take notes. This means that you are the only person in the class (aside from the professor) that understood what was going on, and will be the only person to discuss that topic on the final exam.

Finally, after class, give yourself a pat on the back for learning how to screw people over. (Note: remember to figure out how to put that skill on your résumé, or else this will all have been a giant waste o'time.)

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