we're not lovers, we're lawyers
Today, some group in the law school planned to have a sex toy party at the school. Since just about every event that has been planned at the Law School this year has been cancelled or forced to move, they sought the administration's permission to host the free event in the law school building. The administration, seeing no problem with it, agreed to this.
So advertisements go up throughout the school. The pizza gets ordered. Students make plans to show up.
And then? Dean Dickey, one of our wonderful administrators, puts the kibosh on the whole event. My spies tell me that the explanation given had something to do with "not liking the advertisements" for the event. (I mean, it's a sex toy party...how could you not expect advertisements featuring pictures of handcuffs and ridiculous puns???) So, reading between the lines, someone got offended by the ads, and nobody felt the need to tell the group organizing the event until immediately before the event started and they had already wasted money on pizza. (My guess is that Dickey has a serious love for that garlic butter sauce crap that comes with Papa John's pizza, and that's why he waited so long...)
This afternoon, the guy who sits behind me in First Amendment (who I'm pretty sure swills sherry and screws goats for fun*) remarked that he was proud of Dean Dickey for taking a stand, and wanted to e-mail him and tell him as much. Now, I wasn't going to go to this event, and I think it's better suited for some off-campus location...but I'm not going to stop someone else from going just because the picture of a ball-gag and whip makes me a little uncomfortable, you know?
I guess the lesson to take away from all of this is this: if you don't like someone else's viewpoint, you don't need to respect the fact that we're all entitled to our opinions. Just complain to someone with power and get them to shut up.
*I don't know if he actually screws goats for fun. I also don't know if his sense of morality allows him to swill any sort of alcohol. I do know that this guy kind of oozes douche from every pore. You know the type. You're picturing him right now.
Labels: law school douchebags, the dickey conspiracy
naked pictures of supreme court justices
I was leaving First Amendment today, blissfully confused by everything that had been said during the previous hour and a half, when I overheard the following in the stairwell:
"You know Supreme Court Justice Blackmun? Yeah, I had a dream that I was totally hanging out with him..."
I'm fairly certain that this is one of the reasons why people hate lawyers. I mean, whatever happened to having normal dreams involving David Boreanaz* and vampire fangs?
Okay, maybe those dreams aren't exactly normal either, but...when your dreams start involving members of the United States Supreme Court....that's a whole new level of gunner-dom, I think. Or maybe just a sign that you need to get out more.
*You're all watching the new episode of "Bones" tonight (Fox, 8/7 central), right? Good.
Labels: law school douchebags, t.v.
what if barbie had a hand grenade?
Some days, I wonder why I even bother going to Contracts II.
One of the 1L sheep just asked a question about a case that began, "What if America had a caste system?" Then, he wanted to know how the contract in question would function under such a system.
This is the sort of question that gets asked after class, during office hours, or e-mailed. Asking how this contract would function in feudal England is really kind of....irrelevant. Pointless. And it angers the one 3L in the corner who is only taking this class because (a) she needed 14 credits to graduate, and (b) needs to learn Contracts for a bar exam, and can only rely on learning so much from BarBri. I mean, who cares how this contract would work under a caste system??? I want to know why this contract didn't work in this particular situation...can we talk about that?
Of course, my main problem would probably be expecting to learn anything useful in a law school class.
Labels: contracts, law school douchebags
don't i have a constitutional right to not smell someone's foul odor?
They say that there's a time and place for everything.I'm assuming that this includes overloading on the perfume. You know the type of perfume - that stinky, musky, come-hither perfume that is only appropriate in bars?Yeah. The time and place for that perfume does not include Trusts & Estates class. Especially when that perfume is worn in such a high quantity that the person behind you can smell you when the air conditioning blows a certain way.Needless to say, I'm highly offended by this odor, and I think this person needs to enter some sort of rehabilitative facility to deal with her perfume addiction. If not for the rest of the student body that has to smell this crap, but for herself.Labels: classes, law school douchebags
swallow first, then answer question
Our Prosecution class is ridiculously early in the morning. (Granted, I think anything before 1pm is "ridiculously early", but I digress.) Since it's so early, it's not uncommon for students to bring breakfast to class. Yesterday, though, one of the students in class actually took a bite of their breakfast, then proceeded to volunteer an answer to a question - complete with a mouth full of food.Cut to this afternoon - this same person is in my Evidence class. (Quick sidebar: in my experience, most people don't volunteer to answer questions without having an answer - in fact, most people that know (or have a good idea about) the answer choose not to respond.)This particular person, so eager for those three participation points that probably aren't going to factor into our grades at all, volunteers to answer a question. Then, after the professor acknowledges this student (rather than the four others that also raised their hands), the student starts flipping through the textbook looking for the correct answer. (I can only compare this to the show "Jeopardy!", when people are trying so hard to get their buzzer to work that they ring in before actually figuring out the correct question.) It's not like this particular person never gets a chance to speak in either class. Rather, this person volunteers answers on a regular (read: constant) basis. I'm thinking that the over-eagerness bit, though, has started to cross the border into "kind of sad and just a little bit pathetic" territory. Labels: classes, evidence, law school douchebags
indoor voices
Dear Ridiculously-Loud-Girl-in-the-Bathroom,Look, I realize that you're so self-absorbed that you need to shout when you talk so that EVERYONE in the surrounding time zone pays attention to YOU. However, there's this thing called "acoustics". So when you shout while you're talking to your friend outside the stall waiting for you, everyone between here and Pittsburgh can hear you. And I think I speak for the residents of every city between Madison and Steel Town when I say this: no one cares.Please shut up,Me.Labels: law school douchebags
politically incorrect
Instead of having six panels over two weeks about some inflammatory (minority-related) comments a professor made during class, shouldn't the students and the administration be more concerned about more important things? Like the fact that we're losing our best business law professor to friggin' BYU next year? Or how about the fact that Wisconsin is seriously lacking in the international law, health law, and IP departments? Maybe, instead of complaining about the professors we have, we should be complaining about those we don't. Otherwise, this place'll become more of a joke than it already is.Labels: classes, law school douchebags
off notice
Those who have read this blog over the past semester know that I am not exactly a fan of the Law School Bookmart. In early September, I put the Bookmart on notice for not buying back a book that I bought for a class that got cancelled.Today, after my evil, evil International Law final, I made my way to the Bookmart to get rid of my ridiculously overpriced (~$120) book that I opened no more than a dozen times all semester. And I walked away with (a) no book, and (b) $37 dollars. While it's not a lot of money, it's more than the $10 I was expecting. And it finally provides some justification for taking that god-awful class.The Bookmart is now off notice. Labels: bookmart, law school douchebags, the notice list
welcome to the maxi pad
I discovered the following sign in the second-floor bathroom during an escape from Professional Responsibilities this afternoon. Words cannot begin to express how disturbing this is, so I jacked one of the signs and copied it here (emphasis added):
Dear Ladies,
SBA has been notified that the small trashcans are missing for disposal of sanitary products. They have informed the school of this situation and hopefully it will soon be taken care of.
In the meantime...please find a responsible alternative for disposal of sanitary products. This may include wrapping it up in toilet paper and throwing it away in the main trashcan. Do not simply toss it on the floor or leave it on top of the toilet paper dispenser.
Please respect yourself and others.
I have to admit...that's one thing that I never thought a school full of twenty-something women would need to be told. I don't know what that says for the quality of person that they let into this school. This confirms my suspicion that some women here are disgusting, self-centered jerks that probably aren't ready to be on their own in the real world.
I will also say this - the trash can is between 5 and 10 feet from the stalls, depending on which stall you use. It's not like the perpetrators were being asked to take their used hygiene products out into the atrium or into a classroom in order to throw them away. They simply had to use a different trash can - but apparently, that is too much to ask.
Labels: law school douchebags
why law students suck
Overheard in the Atrium..."These people in the Judicial Internship Program get 5 credits, and they only have to go to work for 15 hours a week and do nothing during finals. Meanwhile, I spend at least that much time preparing for my 4-credit class during the week, and another 150 hours studying for that class during finals. How is that fair to me?"I felt like informing this particular gunner that the Judicial Intership Program just requires 25 "work" hours per credit - same as the number of class hours per credit required in all other classes (if not moreso) - and most judges give the interns the freedom to make their own schedule to get those hours. And then I heard the other gunner in this conversation quote Law School Confidential, realized what kind of douchebags I would be dealing with, and decided that presenting the other side of that argument would be pointless.Labels: law school douchebags
get a room
So about a week ago, the Dean of Laying The Smack Down sent an e-mail to the entire law student populace about appropriate library behavior. You know, no eating (because it might get in the books, and then rats will eat the valuable Northwest Reporters that are available online anyway), no uncovered cups, no talking, no accidentally plugging your headphones into the wrong spot on your laptop and playing an episode of "The Office" for the entire third floor. Pretty standard stuff.After watching the people at the table next to me yesterday grope and cuddle for about 20 minutes, something tells me that maybe that e-mail should've included "no PDA - at least, not where people can see you." I mean, I find a live floor show particularly distracting when I'm trying to watch TV in the library - I can imagine that the people actually doing work don't appreciate it, either.Labels: law school douchebags, library, the office
highly illogical
My professor always gives us a five-minute break in the middle of our 1:20-long class...actually, it's more like we get that break with about 20 minutes left to go. So he wisened up last week and decided that, instead of said break, he would let us go 5 minutes early.Today, he decides to give us a choice: 5 minute break during the latter third of class, or leave 5 minutes early. When your class is supposed to get out at about 4:50 every day, that "five minutes earlier" thing sounds pretty good. Right?Apparently not. Apparently, people would rather take a five-minute break from browsing the internet in our unbelievably boring class than actually go home earlier to browse the internet without the burden of having the professor drone on in the background.(I also discovered today that my professor's one ear is sort of pointy. Like Spock's ear on "Star Trek". The fact that my professor is a Vulcan totally explains why he's an international law expert (and always references things like "Battlestar Galactica"). I wonder if he worked for the State Department as part of their cover-up of the fact that aliens have lived among us for years...) Labels: classes, international law, law school douchebags
strategies for your on-call day
As a 2L, I've had the pleasure of being on-call a few times (most memorably, the Property Class Shanghai of '06). So, I decided that qualifies me to give some advice for on-call days. (Much like writing for shows about relationships and coining one now-famous phrase qualifies you to have a talk show about relationships. Yes, Greg Behrendt, I'm looking at you.) Here's what you do - you watch either that episode of "The Office" where Michael gets hopped up on sugar from his sweet soft pretzel with "the works" and speaks four paragraphs of dialogue in 30 seconds ("The Initiation" - available for download on iTunes) - or any episode of "Gilmore Girls" (the old ones...before the Mrs. Christopher Hayden debacle) - and you mimic the speech patterns. Perhaps go on YouTube to find video of the MicroMachines guy (John Mochitta) talking ridiculously fast.Then, you drink about six Red Bulls before going to class. (Vodka not recommended, as will likely slow speech pattern.)Then you answer the professor's questions, making sure that every six words you speak sounds like one unintelligible monster word. That way, your peers will have no way to discern anything you say. Since transcribing your comments reads something like "lijdjskhfederalismlkhsdfdsfdueprocessduskhfskd", no one will be able to take notes. This means that you are the only person in the class (aside from the professor) that understood what was going on, and will be the only person to discuss that topic on the final exam. Finally, after class, give yourself a pat on the back for learning how to screw people over. (Note: remember to figure out how to put that skill on your résumé, or else this will all have been a giant waste o'time.)Labels: law school douchebags
maybe my tuition should pay for a school manicurist
I've been known to get bored in class on occasion, and find all sorts of other activities to pass the time - Solitaire, Cubs games, PerezHilton, Instant Messenger, whathaveyou... But I've never, ever been so bored that I felt the need to clip my nails in class.I mean, I'm all for personal hygiene - and there are some people out there with funky nails that are in desperate need of a mani/pedi. But to sit in a lecture hall and not only clip your nails, but leave the clippings for the person in the next class to find? Disgusting. (The sad part is that the clippings were so large that my neighbor, who found the clippings, couldn't tell if they were fingernails or toenails.)Labels: classes, law school douchebags
and i thought my class was bad
Dear 1L in the Atrium,You have no idea how close you came to getting a good smack upside the head from yours truly. Because no one wants to hear you brag about how you've already started your outlining. One of the nice things about this place was the lack of competitiveness among students (at least, before my class showed up) - don't be that guy that keeps the trend going. So please put down the copy of Law School Confidential and back away from the book. For all of our sakes.And take a sedative,MeDear 2Ls (loudly) comparing callback lists,Just whip 'em out, measure, and get it over with. Here - I'll even give you a ruler.Watch out for shrinkage,MeLabels: law school douchebags
another fun reader poll!
Today, I bring you the question that's on everyone's mind: Why did I not make Law Review?(a) The fact that I turned in my cover sheet a week and a half late automatically disqualified me from consideration.
(b) My note wasn't left-wing enough.
(c) I'm not ethnic enough to fulfill the affirmative action diversity goals of the organization.
(d) The persons on the selection committee are not Skid Row fans.
(e) See previous post in which I indirectly compared myself to the token swimmer from the Ivory Coast (or other small African nation) that finishes ten minutes behind the rest of the pack.
(f) Other _________________________ (please specify)
The silver lining to all this, though, is the fact that I'll be able to keep up with the new television season without any distractions. I mean, the good people at Target don't look for potential cashiers with law journal experience, so why would I need the line on the résumé provided by any journal when you can be further building your encyclopedic knowledge of "Gilmore Girls"??? Labels: job search blues, law school douchebags, questions
why i'm not making law review
I realized last night that I never included the mandatory "cover sheet" with the application that I had to rush to get in the mail on Monday. See, I was busy with packing to come east/driving east/spending time in NY with friends/driving south/finishing the case note/finishing the "diversity" statement that I overlooked the line on the instruction sheet that says that I had to include a cover sheet with my name/address/e-mail. All that work...and I submit an effing incomplete application. I violated my number one rule - if you can't read and follow directions, you are too stupid to be in law school. Good job, Self. So now I've gotta put 150% effort into this International Law Journal application, since I have absolutely no chance of making Law Review. And I have about two hours to finish it, since I have to drive through rush-hour traffic to get to the wedding rehearsal tonight.I quit.Labels: law school douchebags
do you need any stamps with your purchase?
So, if you've read this blog in the last week or so, you know that I'm leaving town this Thursday.The Law Review packets are to be done by next Monday, May 22nd. Now, I was planning on finishing up on Wednesday night and hitting the law school on my way out of town Thursday morning to drop off my completed application.And then I actually opened the packet last night (I know - more than 24 hours before the thing needs to be done!) and discovered that I can only hand-deliver packets between the hours of 9:00 and 5:00 on May 22nd. Otherwise, I have to mail it in.That's right. Because I'm leaving town on Thursday, I have to spend two bucks on postage to mail the thing in. So I either need to (a) find a post office in NYC, (b) hope I get to Richmond before 5:00 to mail it in there, (c) find a post office somewhere along the I-95 corridor on Monday, (d) find a post office somewhere along I-90 or in PA...or (e) go to my post office here in Madison and mail it. And then brace myself for the looks I'll get from the clerks as they say "You know, that's just down the street. Why don't you hand deliver it and save the money?"And then I'll sigh heavily and say, "Well, I can't hand deliver it, because I can only hand deliver it between 9 and 5 on Monday, and I'm leaving town as soon as you accept my payment. Oh, and I can't get a friend to hand it in for me, because I don't want the powers that be to think that my friends opened the packet while I was out of town and used my awesome writing ability, mad Bluebooking skills, and phenomenal diversity essay about life in the Old South to improve their own submission. "Maybe I should worry more about getting the stupid thing done before I worry about wasting two bucks on mailing it in. And I should buy some more printer paper, now that I'm thinking about it.Labels: law school douchebags
law school executive power: derived from farcical aquatic ceremonies
I gotta get something that's been bugging me for a few days off my chest...I've noticed that, a lot like high school, the same dozen (or so) students end up running every organization on campus. For example: Student A is vice president of three organizations, treasurer of another two orgs, a member of two more, on Moot Court, and planning on trying to write on to law review.I'll be the first one to stand up and say "Hey, someone's gotta do it - cause I ain't gonna." I mean, frankly, being a "joiner" goes against the whole "apathy" mystique I've worked all year to build up - and I'd like to think that I've done a pretty good job of it. But still - isn't there a point when involvement levels pass "ridiculous" and head down a long, lonely road that dead-ends at "bloody pathetic"? I mean, an employer is going to see a dozen exec board positions and organizations and likely say one of three things:(1) If this person can be involved in this many things, the positions are probably meaningless and have attached to them no responsibility or leadership skills.(2) This person's stretched so thin he's probably not accomplishing anything substantial for any one of these organizations (as if the organizations actually accomplish anything ANYway...)(3) This person's only involved in so many organizations because (s)he is a giant douche, can't get laid, and needs something to occupy his/her time.If the employer thinks something along the lines of "wow, what a variety of interests! what a go-getter! look at this person trying to change the world!", I'm going to scream. And then pray that one day, the lines-on-resume whore's uppance shall come.
Labels: job search blues, law school douchebags, the ridiculous SBA
