Sunday, September 24, 2006

maybe my tuition should pay for a school manicurist

I've been known to get bored in class on occasion, and find all sorts of other activities to pass the time - Solitaire, Cubs games, PerezHilton, Instant Messenger, whathaveyou...

But I've never, ever been so bored that I felt the need to clip my nails in class.

I mean, I'm all for personal hygiene - and there are some people out there with funky nails that are in desperate need of a mani/pedi. But to sit in a lecture hall and not only clip your nails, but leave the clippings for the person in the next class to find? Disgusting.

(The sad part is that the clippings were so large that my neighbor, who found the clippings, couldn't tell if they were fingernails or toenails.)

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

and i thought my class was bad

Dear 1L in the Atrium,

You have no idea how close you came to getting a good smack upside the head from yours truly. Because no one wants to hear you brag about how you've already started your outlining. One of the nice things about this place was the lack of competitiveness among students (at least, before my class showed up) - don't be that guy that keeps the trend going. So please put down the copy of Law School Confidential and back away from the book. For all of our sakes.

And take a sedative,

Dear 2Ls (loudly) comparing callback lists,

Just whip 'em out, measure, and get it over with. Here - I'll even give you a ruler.

Watch out for shrinkage,


Monday, September 18, 2006

we never close (dramatically puts on sunglasses)

If you've been alive and had the television on at any time in the last two months (or been on any sort of entertainment website at all), you'll know that tonight at 10 (9 central) is the premiere of Aaron Sorkin's new drama, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"...which is in desperate need of a shorter title, but I digress.

But that's not why I'm excited to get home and watch some good ol' TV tonight.

I'm excited because tonight (again, at 10/9 central) is the season premiere of my favorite comedy installment of the "CSI:" franchise, "CSI: Miami". It's awful, David Caruso can't act, and his sunglasses are the greatest prop on television since the addition of Nicky and Alex on "Full House".

When last season ended, Caruso had just put his shades on and told us that we're going to Brazil to track down the gang that shot his godawful wife (who, let's face it, needed to be killed off) that was I *believe* both pregnant and dying of cancer. Or recovering from cancer. Or her once-in-remission cancer had come back. I'm really not sure which plot device the "Miami" writers chose that time. But it'll be a welcome hour of comedy after that "Elaine Old Christine" show goes off.

And somewhere between "Miami" and Wednesday's premiere of the new cycle of "America's Next Top Model", I *may* go to class.


Friday, September 15, 2006

but at least it's friday

Awesome: job interviews.

Not Awesome: getting a giant run in your pantyhose before said interviews and having no time to go home (okay, go to Target) and get another pair.

I should've known that the fact that I slept through my alarm and woke up almost an hour late this morning was a bad omen...


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

no, seriously, you want me to do what???

I'm currently putting off completing the worksheet that I have to complete for Professional Responsibilities tomorrow.

Yes, I'm in law school.

Yes, we have weekly worksheets for PR.

Yes, these are actually graded - as in, 15% of our grade. I mean, seriously - the worksheets we had to do in my high school Spanish class weren't even graded. The SeƱorita just walked by and checked off that they were completed. And they didn't have to be completed correctly - honestly, those of us on the right side of the classroom were writing in random Spanish words as she checked off the worksheets for the losers on the left side of the classroom who actually had to complete their work before coming to class simply because they sat on the wrong side of the classroom. Ha. Losers.*

Come to think of it, they're really 25% of our grade, because we have to discuss the worksheets in class...and class participation is 10% of our grade. Class participation?! I show up and manage to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide without dying of boredom - isn't that enough? Can't I just read E! Online in peace?!

But back to this stupid graded worksheet for PR that's totally supposed to be the same thing that we would actually do if we were actually in the real world with real clients with real ethical dilemmas and we had no one at our firm we could talk to about this until after the worksheet was completed incident ended - just the Model Rules of Professional Conduct. And maybe some common sense - I don't know if that's allowed under the Rules. (Makes note to check for anything allowing common sense under the Rules.) This worksheet...totally not worth pressing "Pause" on the DVD player and stopping "The Office" Season Two while I work on it.

Besides, if these rules don't include the Model Rules of Target Cashier Conduct, I don't need to know 'em. Ever.

*I just realized that this happened in 1995. Which means that it's been 11 years since I was a freshman in high school. I suddenly feel very old. And very sad.


Friday, September 08, 2006

paging stacy and clinton

I have to say, the most (okay, only) enjoyable thing about OCI season are the students running around in suits. And by that, I mean sitting in the atrium making like Joan Rivers at the Emmy's and pointing out all of the fashion problems that I see. For example:

--The women who spent WAY too much money at the hair salon on what is obviously a dye job, and obviously a bad one at that. (Here's a hint: real hair is not black with maroon highlights.)

--The women who have absolutely no idea about what sort of shirt is appropriate to wear under a suit. Yes, the no-collar look is okay. HOWEVER, this does not mean that you can wear a t-shirt with a ruched neckline or a ribbed tank top that you picked up at Old Navy last weekend. Just because Sharon Stone wore a Gap t-shirt to the Oscars like, ten years ago, that doesn't mean that you should be wearing one to an interview. At least make it a sleeveless top in a poly-rayon blend.

--The shoes. If you can't walk in 'em, don't wear 'em. End of discussion. (Remember that episode of "House" where House refused to hire a woman who looked like her shoes were killing her? If you don't, Netflix it.)

--And while you're at it, make sure you look in a mirror before you leave the apartment. In fact, grab a friend - one who's brutally honest. Ask them if your suit fits properly. Nothing is sadder than someone in a suit that's a size too small.

--It's also a good idea if you turn on a light while getting dressed. I just received a phone call from someone who saw a man wearing brown shoes with a black suit - an error ten times more egregious than wearing brown shoes with a navy blue suit. Needless to say, I almost had a stroke after hearing that one.

Anyone else got a faux pas that they'd like to share with the class?

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

in memoriam

I'd like to ask all of my readers out there to take a minute to bow their heads in silent prayer (to whichever entity you decide is prayer-worthy...yes, this includes praying to David Beckham).

Today, I mourn the passing of the last piece of my soul, which passed away at approximately 11:45 this morning when I broke my eight month long boycott of the law library, and decided to sit in said library and study.

This piece of my soul was preceded in death by every other bit of my soul. Services will be held tomorrow afternoon, to be followed by a ceremonial scattering of my soul's ashes on the lake.

In lieu of flowers, donations to the Compensation for the Money that the Law School Bookstore Stiffed Me When They Refused to Refund What I Paid for the Books for the Class That Got Cancelled Yesterday Fund will be appreciated.


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

murphy's law school

It's no secret that I hate waking up for class. But today, in honor of the first day of classes, I decided to show up on time (actually, early) for my 9:55 class.

I got to the school at 9:30, only to discover at 9:33 that the class was cancelled for the day.

This is what I get for actually deciding to come to class instead of sleeping until 1:00. As omens go, this isn't exactly a good omen for the coming semester, but it hasn't exactly reached "getting hit by a bicycle" proportions yet.

On the bright side, though, I've already finished my homework for tomorrow so that I can watch the all-new episode of "House" and not be burdened by school.

(To be fair, the professor is sick, and it's not exactly anyone's fault that the class was cancelled. I can only be so insensitive, I guess.)

Meanwhile, I'm now sitting at home enjoying my new baby TiVo and the Dane Cook comedy special I recorded last night...and I can't promise you that I'm going back for my Con Law class.

UPDATE: The class in question has now been canceled for the semester. So I go to the bookstore to return the paperback supplement that I bought. Their response? "Umm, we can't take this back. The cover's a little worn in one corner." So, essentially, I'm being punished for buying a book for a class that eventually got canceled because, well, I bought the book thinking that I'd have an assignment for the first day and, upon seeing there was no assignment, stored the book in my locker.

The lesson: Don't buy your books until after your classes start - being unprepared for Day 1 is way preferable to being screwed out of some cash because you had to carry the book either to the library, the locker, or home. (I mean, what are the odds that the book will remain in 150% perfect condition after being carried somewhere in a bag or left in a locker for a few days? Slim-to-none.)

And I'm putting the law school bookstore on notice for this - along with the SBA and bears.

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new arrival

Yesterday, I welcomed a new bundle of joy into my family.

That's right - I'm the proud owner of a shiny new baby TiVo. Now I don't have to worry about stupid law school getting in the way of my enjoyment of all of my favorite television programs (which is a very long list, to be honest).

Would it be completely wrong of me to throw a TiVo shower to celebrate?