Saturday, December 31, 2005

every rose has its horns*

My right arm has fallen asleep twice whilst browsing the internet reading other law blogs. Can you get deep vein thrombosis in your arms, or is that just something you get when you're on airplanes?

I'll be able to answer that when I wake up tomorrow to discover that my arm fell off overnight.

Meanwhile, I've done nothing for the last, oh, 8 hours except watch VH1's "America's Next Top Model" cycle 1 and 4 marathons. I'm very disappointed at the lack of Miss J. Alexander - next season, I'd like to see both him and Janice Dickinson on the panel so that they can have a diva-off.

Yes, Miss J. is a man. And you know what? She's fabulous.

Oh, and ABC Family? Can ya make with the "Gilmore Girls" marathon while I'm still on vacay? I'd like to not have another excuse (aside from sunshine, warm weather, and Cubs baseball) to not study for exams come springtime...mmmkay?**

*And before you say anything, that's a slogan on a UT Rose Bowl t-shirt. Trust me: I own a copy of both Monster Ballads and Monsters of Rock - I know my Poison lyrics.
**Who am I kidding? I'll stop procrastinating the day the Buffalo Bills win the Super Bowl.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

my 40 acres

Because of the aforementioned annual Christmas cold that I've been afflicted with for the last three days, I've been sitting around doing nothing but playing computer games and watching TV. Did you know that...

--In high definition, you can tell that Access Hollywood's Nancy O'Dell is actually made of plastic.
--Sadly, Telemundo (Univision? I don't know? Who can tell the difference between any of those Spanish language channels anyway?) has ended the run of it's famous telenovela, "La Madrastra". And so, we at Negligent Use bid a fond farewell to Bruno and his amigos...

Monday, December 26, 2005

don't mess with irony...errrr, texas...

Why is it that I get sick every Christmas morning? It's thirty to forty degrees warmer here than the average temperatures in Madison have been for the last month and a half. So why did I develop a nasty cold less than 36 hours after arriving in Texas?

(This is the part where all of my friends in WI/MN this holiday season point and laugh at me and say something quippy about karma.)

Even with the annual cold, it hasn't been all bad. Here are the top five (actually five) things that one should not be saying/thinking during Christmas Eve church services (these all actually occurred this year):

5. (nudges sister and points to dad's foot, where he's taken his shoe off and is scratching the foot on which he's wearing a sock with a giant hole)
4. "Umm, Linus says 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace, good will towards men.' What they just said doesn't even come close to that. I'm boycotting this church and their use of the 'new, more understandable' Bible." (me, to my family in the car after the service)
3. "Dude, I'm gonna light this program on fire." (me, to my sister during "Silent Night") (I then pantomime lighting a lighter and waving it in the air after they dimmed the lights during "Silent Night")
2. "Why is that chick not wearing shoes?" (me, to my sister regarding the teenager walking around barefoot, presumably to go to the bathroom in the middle of the service. I don't care if you're Britney Spears, and I don't care if this isn't a gas station - keep your shoes on your feet. Thanks.)
1. "I didn't really enjoy the part where we got tag-teamed by the ministers." (me, to my family after church, regarding the joint sermon given by the church's pastor and associate pastor...the funny part was when the associate missed his cue.)

Friday, December 23, 2005

the stars at night shine big and bright

Deep in the heart of Texas....

Not only did my flights not get delayed, but my flight actually got into Austin 15 minutes early this afternoon. Early. Two days before Christmas.

Combine that with the fact that my suitcase filled with laundry was actually waiting for me when I got down to baggage claim, and *poof!* confirmation that the apocalypse is upon us. Hooray!

And for my fellow UWites who expressed their hope that I enjoy all the Mexican food I can possibly eat over vacation, rest assured that the combination of the early flight and the prompt baggage retrieval led me to begin enjoying my tasty enchilada a full thirty minutes ahead of the "Eating Mexican Food Cooked by Real Mexicans That Came Across the Border Illegally Last Week" projection.

And I sat there over dinner telling my sister that I could have her charged with battery for hitting me at the table, and that me calling her a "'tard" would not be considered adequate provocation because a reasonable juror would probably not believe that my statement would cause the same reaction in a reasonable person under the same circumstances. This proves that (1) I may have actually done well on my Crim exam, and (2) law school has sucked the last drops of what was once my soul.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

i am a freakin' genius

I sat here for literally half an hour trying to fix my printer and figure out why it wasn't showing up as being connected to my computer, even though everything was plugged into the computer correctly, the printer had ink and paper and was free of jams, etc...

And then I realized that the USB cable had actually unplugged from the back of my printer.

And then I realized that there never were any WMD in Iraq to begin with...

(Okay, I made that last part up - I could've told you that part five years ago.)

it's all over here at the boston garden

"The Boston Celtics have won the world championship for the 15th time..."

And here at the UW Law School, 1L first-semester exams are finally over. And today I realized why we instituted a gag order about all of the other exams...but who cares? It's over.

For now, though, I'm going to keep thinking about the fact that I will be enjoying a nice, tasty enchilada at this time tomorrow. Oh, and I won't be wearing shoes or a jacket for the next ten days, since it'll be warm and sunny in Austin.

(Suddenly, the whole "my parents live in Texas and I have to go spend the holidays around real, live Texans has an upside - no chance of hypothermia!)

Maybe I'll be nice and, for all of my fellow UW law-ites for Christmas/Hanukkah, I'll post pictures of the following:

(1) light-up Bevo (the UT mascot - half of Austin has one of these Christmas decorations, and it's hilarious)
(2) my bare feet in nice, lush, green grass
(3) the sunburn that I will inevitably sustain

I'll get over the pointing and laughing by the time I get back from Austin and Richmond in January...I promise.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

it's not's has to be, right?

So I've officially been waitlisted (cough*rejected*cough) by every clinical program on this campus.

Oh well...on the bright side, at least I'll get a discount on coffee when I spend the summer working at Starbucks instead of getting legal experience that'll help me get a job in two summers. Even better - I'd make twice as much working at Target as I would make in a clinic. Or maybe this is God's way of telling me that she thinks I should spend my summer taking classes in Prague. I'm not above begging for a summer position either, so don't think I won't be doing that when I get back to Richmond - even if it means working for people who were once my equals...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

i'm dreaming of a warm christmas

(points at friends staying in Wisconsin/going to Minnesota)

(laughs hysterically)

I'll be thinking of yous guys while I'm flip-flopping around Austin.

the caine-hackman theory

Got my schedule for next spring this afternoon...

First, the bad: classes until 5:30 means that I miss my daily showing of "Gilmore Girls" on ABC Family. Also, classes not starting until 11 means no twice-weekly Starbucks trip. And not having classes with my friends means that we're actually going to have to make an effort to see each other - or that means that we'll discover that we're really not friends anymore, because making an effort is hard work, and personally, I'm lazy.

And now, the good: I won't spend $65/semester in coffee. I'll have time to do homework in the mornings (umm...this doesn't mean it'll actually get done) or during my 4 hour breaks in the middle of the day. Likewise, 4-hour breaks in the middle of the day means time to work out in the middle of the day - or even in the morning! (ummm...that'll last a week.) And finally, no classes until 11 means that I get to whip out this exchange from one of my all-time favorite guilty-pleasure movies, PCU.

Droz: Well, here's all you need to know. Classes: nothing before eleven. Beer: it's your best friend, you drink a lot of it. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?
Tom: Uh, no.
Droz: Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day.

I should probably be worrying about Thursday's Crim final before I start worrying about next semester. (looks around room) (shakes head) Nah....there has to be something on TV instead.

what's worse: cotton candy girl or hollaback girl?

If you didn't immediately say "Hollaback Girl", that godawful Gwen Stefani song, then there's something seriously wrong with you.*

Apparently, a "cotton candy girl" is someone who enjoys designer clothes/shoes/purses, Starbucks coffee, and basically anything cute, colorful, fun, shiny, or straight out of an Ingmar Bergman film.

I'm with Legally Blonde on this one. I don't have a Coach purse, but I definitely have some Coach shoes (and one of my goals in life is to own a pair of 4" black Manolos). And I flat-out refuse to leave the house without my makeup done. And yes, I carried a grande sugar-free hazelnut nonfat with whip mocha from Starbucks into nearly every Torts class I've had since October. (2/week x 8 weeks = 16...x 4.01/cup = $64.16, for those who were wondering.)

Law school blows, okay? So what if people's days are just a bit brighter because they choose to not look like they just wandered out of Auschwitz?** Who are you to hate on people that like to see a little color in between the drab black-and-white casebooks (my notecards and class notes are all color-coordinated by subject area) - how else are we supposed to not succumb to ADD while studying?

People think I'm shallow because I read Cosmopolitan, am hopelessly addicted to "Gilmore Girls", laugh at "mainstream" Monty Python references, and own several dozen pairs of shoes. And to those people I ask, what's the point of living if you're not going to do what makes you happy? Life is too short to actively seek out people to condemn simply because you have nothing better - or more substantive - to do with your time. And besides - if there were no "shallow" or" dumb" people in the world, then you'd actually have to spend your time thinking about the person you actually hate, wouldn't you?

* Gwen? You were so much cooler when you were with No Doubt, say, around 1996.
**And before you get all offended on me, that's a reference to a line in Bridget Jones's Diary.

all i ask of you

Oh, stomach...thank you for not being queasy long enough for me to completely bomb my Civ Pro exam today. But why did you have to start being queasy again tonight when all I want to do is sleep? (I do appreciate you stopping long enough for me to nap through Rachael Ray and "The Simpsons" hour, though.)

Look, if you quit it now, I'll be nice to you and get you Mexican food in...divide by c²...find the limit...3 days, 17 hours, 44 minutes, and 30 seconds.

So shut up and let me sleep so that I can pay attention* in the Crim Law review class tomorrow. Mmmkay? If you behave, I may bring you Starbucks tomorrow morning...

(Yes, I'm bribing my digestive system with coffee and enchiladas. I'm tired, and my brain hurts really bad from writing a bunch of Christmas cards in accordance with Federal Rule of Christmas Procedure #8(a). It totally makes sense, so leave me alone.)

*And by that, I mean "stay awake while I play Sudoku, do crossword puzzles, arrange my fantasy football lineup for this weekend, read The Superficial, write a new blog post, and stare off into space".

Monday, December 19, 2005

pass the chronic(what)cles of narnia

Short video from this past weekend's episode of "Saturday Night Live"...this may be the funniest thing they've done since Ferrell left.

how many things are wrong with the following statement?

I'm watching the Tyra Banks Show, and Tyra Claus brought the guy who helped her pick out stuff at Best Buy on the show. She asked if he could rap, and he said he could help her wrap her gifts, but he couldn't rap like Diddy.

And so he comes on the show and does some stupid rap about workin' at BB and being on Tyra's show and all...and that his Christmas gift to all of us is a booty shake. Oh, and he actually used the word "fierce" to describe his blue BB shirt.

Since my computer is in my lap and my remote control is all the way over there -->
(five feet away at the other end of the couch), I decided to blog about the horror instead of getting the remote and changing the channel.

I have reached a new low.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

confucius say, "you need help"

The fortune cookie that I had at lunch today contained the fortune, "Be patient, you will hear comforting news". So we debated for a second what that comforting news would be.

My friend's answer: "You will find a summer job and all will work out."

My answer: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Austin-Bergstrom International Airport. The local time is now 4:45pm. The weather here in Austin is 58 degrees and sunny, with light winds from the southwest. For those of you continuing on your journey, please have a safe trip. For those of you for whom this is the final destination, welcome home. On behalf of the captain and crew on American Airlines Flight (whatever flight I'm taking from the Lou), I'd like to thank you for selecting American Airlines, and we hope that the next time you're flying, you choose us. Enjoy your stay in Austin, and have a Happy Holidays."

Yes, I totally went through that entire speech when this actually happened. I'm not embellishing to make myself sound awesome.

a dangerous mind christmas

The San Diego Chargers just became my #2 favorite football team. Why, you ask? Because they prevented Horseface Manning and the godawfully overrated Indianapolis Colts from keeping their undefeated season alive. Since a Colts loss was what I was going to ask Santa for this Christmas, I've decided to amend my letter under Rule 15 of the FRCP (Federal Rules of Christmas Procedure):

Dear Santa Claus,

How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife?
Even though I have been extra good this year, I don't have a long list of presents that I want. I'd just really appreciate it if you could somehow make Peyton "Horseface" Manning choke hardcore in the playoffs again this year? I'm thinking something like, the Patriots beat the Jaguars, then march into the RCA dome and leave poor widdle Peytie crying on the astroturf as Brady, Bruschi, and the rest of the Pats prove for the third straight year that they are the better team, and that Brady is the better pressure player. If that's going to be too difficult for you, then just send money - how about tens and twenties?


icy to dull the pain, and hot to relax it away

Is it weird that I think I hurt my elbow playing darts at Brats yesterday?

Yeah, that's what I thought too...

(kicks dirt)
(wanders back to Civ Pro outline)

Saturday, December 17, 2005

silver-white winters that melt into spring

There's a good reason why "Civ Pro" or "Law School" aren't mentioned in the song "My Favorite Things".

ABC is showing The Sound of Music tonight, and those who know me well know that this is my all-time favorite movie. (Mostly because I used to run around when I was as close to a munchkin I ever got and pretended that I was Maria.) Therefore I can't turn the TV off and stop watching. I spent a week in Salzburg in undergrad because I loved this movie so much, and since there's only two days of touristy stuff to do in Salzburg, I spent the rest of the week (a) sitting around, and (b) looking for every location used in this movie - and I'm proud to say that I've found most of them. So now, when I watch this movie, I'm reminded of the most relaxing week of my life (except the part where I still had the food poisoning I contracted in Vienna).

And TSOM is relevant to Civ Pro. One day in class, Prof. Clauss mentioned Bremerhaven, Germany. Since I'm a huge dork, my mind immediately did one of these: "Bremerhaven, Germany?!?! Why, Self, that's where Captain von Trapp was to meet the rest of the Naval forces of the Third Reich before he ran off with Maria and the kids!" (This is why my mind is a dangerous place.)

Since making songs out of all of my law school subjects a few days before the exams has seemingly brought me the tune of "Maria" from TSOM...

How do you file a claim in federal court?
How can you be sure you meet the criteria?
How do you file a claim in federal court?

A federal law
75 grand

Many a thing you know you need to disclose
Many a fact to state in the complaint
But how do you pull lawyer’s tricks
And not get 12(b)(6)ed?
What if your chance of winning is only faint?
Oh how do you file a claim in federal court?
How do you avoid a summary judgment?

Send help. Please.

it's beyond my control

So I made my weekly pilgrimage to the grocery store, and was horrified by a new product that I found on the shelves.

You know how Hershey has been making flavored Kisses - like, strawberries and cream, double fudge, cherry cordial, etc?

Well, now they have peanut butter-filled Hershey's Kisses. Essentially, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in Hershey's Kiss form. And personally, there's nothing I find more addictive than the combination of chocolate and peanut butter.

Yo, Hershey? Next time, could ya just mold some crack into Kiss shape? Thanks.

i know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological

I should be studying...

But the Pats game is on TV for the first time since they got beaten by Horseface Manning, I think. (Living here and getting nothing but Packers and Bears games is still better than living in VA and getting only Panthers, Redskins, and Ravens games.) And the Pats are actually beating the Bucs right now. Granted, Tampa Bay just took their first possession of the game...

Not the point.

The point is that the Patriots are on TV, that they're winning, and that Richard Seymour just sacked Chris Simms, and the Patriots defense actually did something RIGHT for a change.

(Glares at Civ Pro notes)

I hate you.

Friday, December 16, 2005

hail to the chief of staff...

I know I haven't watched since the show was moved from Wednesday to Sunday nights ("The Simpsons" takes precedence over all other shows), but I can't imagine "The West Wing" without Leo McGarry...

And in "it's about freakin' time already" news, anyone who didn't see this coming when they got married three years ago (or when she confused buffalo wings for actual buffalo meat) needs to have their heads removed from their sphincters. Yesterday. My guess is that the people who thought Nick and Jessica were going to work through their separation and be together forever are the same people who actually believed that we were going into Iraq because of a WMD threat.

As a bit of an aside, is "irreconcilable differences" just code for "we got married when we were too young/stupid/immature to understand the consequences of what we were actually getting ourselves into"? Or is it more like code for "I've never had anyone love me for six months in a row, so I might as well make it forever...or at least until something better comes along."?

take my hand and we'll make it, i swear

You know, I was rocking and rolling through my Torts exam today, which began with a furious re-outline of everything that I got off of the outline generously sent to me by the awesome dude behind Law & Alcoholism.* I remembered everything that I had read in the 40 minutes I sat at Starbucks eating my cinnamon scone, and was surprised to find that I had more than enough time to answer the questions. Why, I found myself twiddling my thumbs, staring off into space aimlessly, and asking myself "what is the most bizarre reading of these facts that I can come up with"...and still only took 3 hours to complete a 4-hour exam.

And so we didn't institute a gag order immediately following the exam, and everyone was talking about it. Turns out that most people came up with the same stuff I did, but I think I may have been the only one to argue that "Contact" resulted when the booze first hit E's stomach in question #2...I was the only one that argued that you find negligence in question #1 by combining Summers v. Tice with Byrne v. Boadle...I was the only one who used O'Brien v. Cunard to say that there may have been implied consent in question #2...and I forgot to mention that N was contributorily negligent in question #1 because he may have miswrapped the industrial dryer.

Argh. If I go by my same Contract theory, I probably did okay, since it's generally better when you leave an exam thinking that there was a bunch of stuff you forgot. But I didn't realize that I forgot anything until I started talking to Derling (as Caesar refers to him) and he brought up a bunch of stuff that I thought of as I was finishing and dismissed.

...leaving Brats today:

D: That was the worst exam I've ever taken in my life.
Me: I'd be willing to bet that you ended up doing so much better than I did.
D: Oh, I'd be willing to bet that too, but that's not the point.
Me: (in a frequency only audible to dogs and dolphins) Just because I'm a blonde and watch television all the time and read Cosmo instead of studying yesterday...that's so not fair!

But whatever. I have a Civ Pro outline to finish, and I have to work on it between "Gilmore Girls" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" today, or else it's not getting done. But all I want to do is sleep, since I didn't manage to get to sleep until 3, and I had to get up at 6 in order to put in some good quality Starbucks time this morning.

(Yes, my priorities are in order. Quit asking me that! You know I have a grande sugar-free hazelnut nonfat with whip mocha every morning in Torts - I couldn't make today any different).

*And yes, I slept on the outline, just like I slept on the UCC the other night before my Contracts final. Never underestimate the power of osmosis.

taco flavored kisses*

And while I'm on the subject of food, I think it's time to update the Mexican-Food-Cooked-by-Real-Mexicans-Who-Came-Across-the-Border-Illegally-Last-Week Countdown.

(I still haven't been able to work out the little me flying towards a little enchilada graphic.)

As of 1:26:10am on Friday, December 16th....divide by two...multiply by π...assume that, since The Weather Channel says it'll be sunny, I won't hit any delays here...assume that I won't get attacked by Nelly and his Band-Aid posse in the St. Louis airport...

7 days, 16 hours, 18 minutes, 50 seconds.

*Best. "South Park". Episode. Ever.

getting a good night's sleep is for losers

Or so I'm told...

So I have my Torts exam in, oh, 7 hours and 15 minutes. And I went to bed exactly 2 hours and 15 minutes ago.

As you can see, I am still awake. I should've known that I wasn't getting any sleep when the first 30 minutes of "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" didn't make me pass out.

Nope. I'm lying here thinking about Res Ipsa Loquitur and whether or not I know how you need to characterize the facts of a case in order to say that something was a proximate cause of an injury. I thought about it so much that I just got really hungry about 15 minutes ago, so now I really can't sleep.

(Apparently, subsisting on a diet of nothing but popcorn, popsicles, and Diet Coke isn't a good thing.)

We'll see if the Lean Cuisine Mac & Cheese does the trick. Good thing I've set two alarms for the morning, because at least one of them is getting slept that I think about it, I should probably set a third alarm.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

why i miss undergrad right now

You remember those days when your grades weren't dependent upon the knowledge of every other person in the class? Those days when your preparation actually mattered, because you could get an A regardless of whatever the really smart people in class got?

Yeah, me too. My sister is an Athletic Training major, which is somewhere on the spectrum between Doctor and Acupuncturist.

My Sister: 16 out of 18 people got As on the exphys final. how much do you want to bet i was one of the two non-As?
Me: we could bet the 17 bucks that i owe you
My Sister: i got a 9.3/10 on the final. so i believe that would be a 93, which is also what i got in the class for a final grade.
Me: yes. so that's an A
My Sister: indeed
Me: so...that means i still owe you 17 bucks. crap.

Wouldn't it be awesome if most of the people in Contracts could pull B's - not even talking about A's, because all of us having that sort of Contracts knowledge would be impossible.

I should probably be studying for Torts.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

paging nancy drew

No, seriously...where are my nail clippers?

How can I lose not one, but two sets of nail clippers under all of the books and papers and junk mail lying around my apartment?

someone call the hospital and ask 'em to send over a white jacket

So in between studying for Torts and library time, we broke down and started discussing yesterday's Contracts exam. About five seconds later, I realized that I completely did one of the problems wrong (one of the ones that's not worth a lot of points). Combine that with the fact that, unlike everyone else, I didn't spend half of the night last night thinking of things that I should've said...and I think that I did a lot worse than I thought yesterday. Maybe Jeebus will bestow me with a C-. (And the Contracts gag order has been renewed indefinitely.)

Here's something weird that I notice that I do - I taped todays "General Hospital" to watch when I got home from interviewing/studying, and I'm not fast-forwarding through the commercials. I'm actually sitting here, waiting for the commercials to end. the tune of The Monkees' "I'm a Believer"

Then I caused a wreck, now I'm a tortfeaser
Not a trace of due care in my mind.
They're injured, and I'm a tortfeaser!
But they couldn't prove it if they tried.

I need to be institutionalized. Yesterday.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

when jesus saves, it's more than 20%

But apparently at the Bill O' store, he only saves 10%...and even that's only if Jesus is a Yearly Premium Member.

The fact that people buy crap like this makes shopaholics like myself want to enter rehab, because there comes a point when nothing outside of sheer addiction to shopping can justifiably explain a purchase. And anyone that buys you a gift from this website is not a person with whom you should be associating. Unless they bought it for you as a joke - mockery of Bill O'Reilly is okay.

more contracts fun

I'm pretty sure that the people at the FOX affiliate in Madison didn't get the memo that there is no talking about Contracts now the Contracts exam is over. Because I'm watching "The Simpsons", and both episodes have been about Contracts. Actually, the episode of "Gilmore Girls" I caught on ABC Family was about Contracts too.

This is probably why I shouldn't be watching TV, but TV was here before law school. Therefore law school needs to go away. Or, at least, TV needs to stop talking about it.

That logic totally made sense in my head.

And now for a conversation that half-took place between Dan and I this afternoon. The part where I sound witty is all Dan's embellishment...'cause I'm pretty lame:

D: The ceremonial dropkicking of the UCC into Lake Mendota
G: I would prefer to burn mine
D: As a Jew, I am clearly against burning of books. Dropkicking is okay, though.
G: You wrote your 5 digit exam number down your arm today in bold, nonerasasble ink. You are estopped from using the 'I'm Jewish' defense

And I'm still upset that no one went sledding down Bascom Mall after class.

and i guess that was your contracts book in the wood chipper?

I don't know how I'm going to come up with subject lines, now that I don't have to take Contracts anymore and it's not ruining every aspect of my life.

So...where to begin...I had enough presence of mind while I was lying in bed wide awake sometime after 1:00 this morning to set a second alarm clock for some time around the time for which I set the other one - not sure what time the original alarm is supposed to go off because the clock is 10-15 minutes fast, and the clock on the alarm I'm setting is also a few minutes fast and not exactly reliable as an alarm. At any rate, I wake up 2-3 times during the night and poke my head out of my pillow pile to see the clock, then immediately retreat back into the pillows.

Next thing I know, Alarm #2 is waking me up. I hit the snooze and decide to go back to sleep. Then I think about it for a second, and decide to look at the original alarm. Turns out, I had already woken up, turned the other alarm off, and gone back to sleep - and DIDN'T REMEMBER IT. So Alarm #2 basically saved my exam-taking this morning.*

I get to school about when I said I was going to get there, and was greeted by two grinning classmates who had been calling me, since they had been charged with calling me if I wasn't in the room by 8:20. It's nice to know that people care, y'know?

Anyway, the exam went rather in, I didn't feel like I got slapped by the exam. I didn't feel like I couldn't explain myself relatively well. And I don't actually think I did too terribly bad, considering I was running on only six hours of sleep and no Starbucks. I feel very confident that I got at least a C on the exam, which is more than I expected a week ago. In fact, I don't think a B- is out of the question.

And that's a bad feeling...why, you ask? Well, because that means that I left it all on the exam and didn't have more to say. And that means that there has to be something that I didn't consider; something that I forgot to write down; something that I just completely dismissed as irrelevant. I mean, I was the one actually sitting there with the textbook re-reading stuff and looking for cases and essays to bring into the answers...I was the one who only wrote one blue book for two essays when everyone else in the class used at least two. {insert panic here} And I still finished five minutes early - including the time during which I went back and inserted more information into my essays!

But at least the crew got together, shared some swigs from Sperling's bottle of Tennessee's finest before we even closed our lockers, and went to Brats for some snackage - under the agreement that NO ONE would talk about the exam. So all of my exam talking is going right here. I know you appreciate it.

I have to study for Torts and Civ Pro now. But I really don't want to. Miss Tyra just convinced some chick to stop doing porn, and Gilmore Girls is about to come on. Plus, I have to psyche myself up for the season finale of Amazing Race and an ALL NEW BOSTON LEGAL tonight. Why curb the procrastination - it's obviously working for me...

*And I even remembered to grab my copy of the Uniform Commercial Code and Restatement (Second) of Contracts out from under my pillow.**
**Yes, I slept on top of my UCC/Restatement in order to try and learn through osmosis. Early indications are that it worked, but we'll see once January rolls around.

Monday, December 12, 2005

soylent green is contracts!

It's really bad when you're sitting there studying for your Contracts exam and you realize every past exam cover extensively a subject matter that was only discussed in class for about five minutes. So that you have to sit there reading the Uniform Commercial Code for about an hour basically learning about warranties for the first time...and then you realize that the handout that seems to be helping everyone deal with these warranty questions was distributed on one of the three days you overslept all semester.

So then it just got to the point where any studying that was being done wasn't helpful; it was only serving to stress us out more. Mostly because we should be reviewing that last night before the exam, not learning stuff for the first time.

(What smells like burning in here?)

One of the practice questions was about beans...well, a bean farmer, but it was about beans, and my friend and I really enjoy this dorky card game in which you plant bean farms and harvest them. Beans are sweet, so we decided that thinking about beans would be more productive than thinking about Contracts. I had lost my mind so much at this point that I was changing all instances of the word "Queen" in ABBA's "Dancing Queen" to "Bean"...there's nothing productive going on in this brain right now.

At any rate, we decided around 9:30 that a sweet name for a band would be "Duress". And that band would be an '80s glam metal throwback band. And that band would be awesome.

Don't you wish that you could turn your brain off, so that, for example, instead of being up blogging, I'd be in bed trying to get 8 hours of sleep? Like a switch, or, much cooler, a chain linked behind your ear that you could pull, like chains on Tiffany lamps. And you pull the chain and the light goes off, signaling that no one's home. It'd be much easier than having to try to think about stuff you don't want to think about, and it would save other people the trouble of wasting their efforts by asking you questions that you are mentally incapable of answering at that time.

...sung to the tune of Frankie Valli's "Can't Take my Eyes off of You"

I love you, Contracts
And if it's quite all right
I need you, Contracts
To warm the lonely night
I love you, Contracts
Trust in me when I say...
Oh pretty Contracts
Don't bring me down, I pray
Oh pretty Contracts
Now that I found you, stay...

And is it bad that, over dinner tonight, my friend and I were discussing how we had been wondering if death or dismemberment wasn't such a bad alternative to taking the Contracts exam tomorrow. For example, the fire alarm went off in her building today, and she sat there wondering what being burned would feel like, and if it would be worse than the exam...then decided that being burned would hurt, and she should probably get her coat. Meanwhile, I was trying to asphyxiate myself with my scarf, just because it seemed like fun.

This is not healthy behavior.

Forget it. I'm going to read over my outline a few more times so that I can try to avoid getting killed in the closed-book section of the exam. I keep trying to tell myself that I know enough to get a C, and a C is average, and that's okay. But I'm a perfectionist, and I have this crazy desire to try and do my best.

Life wouldn't be this hard if I were a pirate.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

important questions to ask one's self

If I were my nail clippers, where would I be?

Because these fingernails are so distracting that, until I clip them, I can't study for Contracts.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Friday, December 09, 2005

pizza! now that's what i call a taco!

Mexican food countdown update, as of 4:12:52pm on Friday, December 9th.

Assuming the hour it's going to take me to get out of Austin-Bergstrom Airport, and assuming that I'm not going to get delayed here in Madison or in the Lou*, I'll be sitting down for Mexican at 5:45pm on Friday, December 23rd.

14 days, 1 hour, 32 minutes, and 8 seconds.

It'd be really sweet if I had a little HTML graphic over there ------>
in the sidebar that had a little timeline and a little me flying closer to a little enchilada. That would be awesome.

*This is also assuming that a plane doesn't run off of the runway at the airport from which I am leaving again this year. I say again because, well, before it happened at Midway yesterday, it happened in Richmond last December 23rd. A plane ran off the runway around 8:30 in the morning, delaying all flights until 4:30pm. So needless to say, my 5:30pm flight to Texas got delayed until about 8:30...and I ended up dragging my sister through the Dallas airport at 11:00 at night looking for a Starbucks. And I don't think that the pilot who ran off the runway should've ever been allowed to leave that Turkish prison in the first place.**

**I would be lost without the Internet Movie Database.

why i'm suing madison metro bus

So my car is finally done at the body shop after the accident I was in about a month ago... and fortunately for me, the body shop is on the bus line. So I wake up relatively early (9:30) and get to the bus to schlep over there to get my car, because I'd rather do that then study for Contracts.

I realize shortly into the bus ride that this bus driver may be the biggest 'tard I've ever seen. You pull the little thing that signals "stop requested", it dings, and she doesn't stop until you yell at her to stop the bus because your stop was a block back thattaway. So I know that, when my stop is coming up, I gotta jump up about 100 feet early so that she knows that I'm getting off the bus.

It's snowy out, so people have been tracking snow onto the bus. Snow that melts on the nice, warm bus.

And there's a stop light right before my stop.

I think you know where I'm going with this one.

She hits the gas right after I start trying to stand up and grab the handles above me, and I slip on the puddles of water on the bus and go flying. Like, my legs do a sort of windmill action à la Scooby Doo, and I go up in the air and fly backwards. My hip has a nice bruise where I landed on the seats...and the knee of the poor dude that was next to me.

I'm pretty sure that this is negligence, but I'm not 100% sure how. I'd do the Hand formula, but that requires that I sit here and think for a few minutes. And the only thing I want to think about right now is television.

(Side note: I'm watching "General Hospital" right now, and it's on commercial, and some commercial for a new TV show starting Heather Graham comes on. Why are they giving Heather Graham a show? It's not like the star power of Freddie Prinze, Jr. garnered any ratings.)

Thursday, December 08, 2005

this is your brain on contracts

One of my fellow study group members left this message on the board of the room we were studying in after discovering that the room had both blue and purple chalk:

Purple Chalk Rocks

Blue is better

Contracts is neither of the above.

So it's not just me - Contracts has ruined all of us.

i'm ready for my contracts, mr. demille

Okay, maybe so much ready for my Contracts exam as I am ready to start panicking about my Contracts exam.

I went and studied some old exams for which I don't have answers today - that really doesn't help, since we all sit there and talk through an answer and reach a conclusion that, for all we know, is wrong. I mean, it's great that the law school puts old exams on the website, but it would be a bigger help to give us the answers so that we kind of have an idea that we're completely lost and therefore going to fail miserably.

And I broke a nail in the middle of the study session, further proving that Contracts is pure evil.

I should probably get back to work, but I'm too busy celebrating the fact that the Cubs finally went out and picked up a player we can actually use. Granted, the fact that the Cubs signed him means that Juan Pierre will end up out for the season somewhere around mid-May...but whatever. For a few weeks, we'll have a player that is about as good as Corey Patterson was supposed to be when he was drafted. And maybe, just maybe, this'll put the Cubbies in a good position to win the World Series around, oh, 2008.

I should probably get back to work now, since CSI and ER are both new tonight and I'm going to have to stop working long enough to watch both of those shows. Yes, my priorities are in order. Stop asking me that.

if i had known that wisconsin was this much like the south, i wouldn't have come here

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel online:

"Madison - A constitutional amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman and prevent the state from recognizing "substantially similar" relationships is one step away from a statewide referendum, after the Senate advanced the measure Wednesday."

Honestly...who cares? Who really, honestly cares that we want to allow gay people to say that they're married and get tax breaks? To be perfectly honest, most marriages between a man and a woman aren't that sacred either - you've got your infidelity and your "irreconcilable differences" and the fact that you're a celebrity who became more famous than your who really, truly cares? As much as it is a religious bond, marriage is a legal contract. (There's that stupid "C" word again.) Do we really want the legislature wasting their time on these sort of social "contracts" instead of worrying about what to do about gang violence in Milwaukee and drugs in schools and how to keep illegal immigrants from blowing up our buildings? And while most governments around the world are based on faith initiatives, I think that history has proven that religion belongs NOWHERE NEAR the political process - need I remind everyone of the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Trials, the Holocaust, Northern Ireland, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and the current war on "terror"?

See, that's the funny thing about religion - the one thing that people are truly willing to stand up for is their faith. And when you have two conflicting faith-based views on an issue under the control of the same legislative body, there's bound to be problems. While we can be thankful that gay marriage is a relatively minor issue, what happens when Roe v. Wade gets overturned? Do we say that, because the Bible says that killing is wrong, and because our nation was founded by Christians, that therefore we should define life as beginning at conception?

I just don't think that it's a good idea for us to create more laws prejudicing against people with different lifestyles and belief systems. If you think about it, our country was not so much founded on religious beliefs as it was founded by a bunch of people whose society was prejudiced against them. Think about it: the Puritans were kicked out of England for being religious nutjobs, and a good number of the first colonial settlers were adult males that bought land over here to make a name for themselves because the social system in Stuart Britain was such that only the first-born male could inherit. So why not embrace the differences that make people unique?

Meh. I just needed to rant about something that I'm remotely interested in (read: NOT law school) for a while.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

as god as my witness, i will never go to contracts again

And now, a last-day-of-classes edition of "People I Hate"...

--The people who feel the need to get up to go to the bathroom in every class. I was sitting there in Contracts this morning, comfortably lounged in my chair with my laptop on my lap completing some very important fantasy football transactions when the chick who has to get up to pee at the same time every up to pee. (I know - real stretch of the imagination.) Here's the thing. If you have to urinate every day at the exact same time, just go before class. You should know that you're going to have to go, and just make a preemptive strike against your bladder and go before class so that I don't have to waste my valuable notetaking (read: internet-browsing) time by rearranging my stuff and my seat and...DID YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU NOTHING?!?!?!

--The people who feel the need to clap at the end of the last class of the semester. The professor is not an actor. You did not just watch a play. His job is to teach. Your job is to learn (read: stay awake...sort of). You are the same people who clap at the end of a movie, aren't you? Those people are even worse, because the people putting on the performance CAN'T HEAR YOU. You are clapping for the projection guy, and he's sitting up there getting smashed while he makes sure that the film doesn't break. The only viable reason to be clapping at the end of a class is because you're ecstatic that the class is over. And you're not doing that - you're clapping because you're kissing the professor's rear end... The exams are blind graded, so it doesn't matter how much brown-nosing you do. So just stop. Please.

--People who talk about you behind your back, and then make it known to you that they were talking about you behind your back by teasing you about whatever it is they were talking about. This isn't high school anymore...this isn't even undergrad. We're all adults here - can we start acting like it? Please?

--People who think I'm shallow. Just because I read Cosmo and watch television religiously and have an unnatural love of celebrity gossip and fashion...that doesn't mean I'm shallow. That's just what I do when my brain is taking a break from hating people. So just leave me alone. I'm smarter than you are; I just choose not to flaunt it...mostly because it would cut into my valuable sitting-around time.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

i just realized how creepy i look

As I was coming back to the law school tonight, I realized that I kind of look like I'm ready to (a) rob someone, or (b) kill someone. Sort of like this:

Ivor Novello in The Lodger. 'Cept without the sweet hat (you would think, since I live in Wisconsin and all, that I would have a hat to wear when it gets cold. I don't. Because I'm awesome). But I definitely was rocking the scarf and the long jacket (if this picture was panned out, you'd be able to tell that he was wearing a long jacket).

Actually, I really wish I could get the panned-out picture, because it's a lot creepier than this. Here it just looks like Robert Smith from The Cure wearing a hat and a scarf. Ahh...found one. This is how creepy I looked:

The Google Image Search Engine is the greatest thing in the history of the world.

you know what really grinds my gears?

Dear Chick Who Feels the Need to Speak in Every Class:

Please, for the love of Scott Baio and all that is holy, compile your thoughts before you raise your hand to speak. None of us wants to sit here and listen to you drrrrrrrawwwwwwwww out words in an attempt to avoid saying "umm"...and quite frankly, I'm not here to listen to your inability to form a complete sentence in less than five minutes. "What I mean is..." and "What I'm saying is..." are also not adequate substititions for "umm". You sound like a jerk when you do this, and I'm not paying out-of-state-tuition for you to waste my class time by not speaking clearly and concisely.

So please. Shut. Up. Now.

Everyone else in Civ Pro

that's enough, john mayer

And now for something completely different, I'm going to talk about stuff that I find really annoying right now.

1. Day 3 of me not having internet service at home. Thank you, Charter Internet, for sucking so wicked hardcore when it's really cold outside. And thank you, school, for preventing me from having time to call and complain about it.

2. Day 7 of me not having a car. While it's good that my car is at the doctor getting fixed, it's not good that I can't drive to the grocery store to pick up Diet Coke. There's only 4 cans left in my fridge, and I really don't want to pay the exorbitant price of $4.19 a 12-pack at the convenience store three blocks from my apartment.

3. Day...a lot...of me not understanding Contracts. Contracts can bite me. But only one more class and the exam, and I'll never have to take a contracts class again.

Monday, December 05, 2005

luke, contracts is your father

So today my Contracts professor decided that it would be a good idea to play the song "Bridge over Troubled Water" at the beginning of class. And then he looks at us and says, "Bridge over troubled water could be how some people describe the doctrine of unconscionability..."

So add the Simon & Garfunkel version of "Bridge over Troubled Water" to the list of things that I will no longer be able to enjoy now that I've taken Contracts.

i've got soul, but i'm not a soldier

I've decided, maybe for my own good, and maybe just for kicks, to list out all the things that I did over the weekend (i.e., between Thursday afternoon and Sunday night) instead of completing my outlines and writing my cover letters for summer jobs.

- went to a professor's house for dinner
- talked on the phone to my parents and my sister
- played computer games: Sims 2, Tradewinds 2, Cookie Chef, Wild West Wendy, Ancient Sudoku, Sudoku Quest, and something involving a chick on skates at a drive-in restaurant.
- researched when Moonlighting Season 3 is coming out on DVD
- watched football: Texas vs. Colorado, UCLA vs. USC, Green Bay vs. Chicago, Denver vs. Kansas City
- watched movies: Spellbound, Mean Girls, The Prince & Me, In Good Company, Princess Diaries 2, Clerks
- watched that Late Night with Conan O'Brien "Walker: Texas Ranger Lever" clip posted below about half a dozen times
- watched television: General Hospital, Gilmore Girls, What I Like About You, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, The Soup, Saturday Night Live, The Simpsons, Family Guy, The War at Home, Grey's Anatomy, a Travel Channel special on haunted London, the Food Network Gingerbread House competition, two History Channel specials on Leonardo da Vinci, Kim Possible, CBS's NFL pregame show, ESPN's NFL Primetime, South Park, 30 Minute Meals, Extra
- cooked more than just Chef, actually pulled out pots and pans and EVOO
- did dishes
- mended a tear in a shirt

- lounged/sat/napped on the couch
- paid bills and rent

I'll need to remember this post if I start to wonder why I don't end up in the top 50% of my class...

Saturday, December 03, 2005

i really will do anything to avoid studying

In browsing the internet instead of (a) outlining, (b) preparing my cover letter/resume, and (c) reading, I found a reason to anxiously await the arrival of February 14th.

(If this picture doesn't make you laugh, then you have no soul.)

Friday, December 02, 2005

do i feel lucky?

Well, you know what, punks? I do feel lucky. So lucky that I think that, if I took my exams now, I'd ace 'em all.*

My iPod has dried out from dropping it in the snow and is now working again. This means that I don't have to schlep all the way to Milwaukee to get a new iPod. This also means that I'll be asking for one of those über-tacky iPod sleeves for Christmas.

To celebrate, I went on iTunes and bought Rammstein's "Du Hast", mostly because I thought of that song last night for no good reason, and I feel like it would balance nicely with my copy of the soundtrack to Phantom of the Opera.

*Okay, maybe not 'lucky' so much as 'deranged'....

i belong in a bubble

So my iPod has broken for the second time in the last six weeks. The first time it broke, it was because I dropped it while flipping songs at the bus stop, and I had to drive all the way to Milwaukee to get the stupid thing replaced.

This time, I think it either (a) froze, or (b) got waterlogged when I (1) slipped on a patch of ice yesterday with my iPod in hand, or (2) dropped it in the snow while flipping songs on my way to the bus stop. Or (c) the Hilary Duff song that came on caused my iPod to crash.

So I'm currently letting the iPod thaw out, and I hope that I won't have to make another trip to Milwaukee to get a replacement pink iPod Mini once I get my car back from the body shop. And this, coupled with my rough morning yesterday, is causing me to crave Mexican food.

Right now, it's 12:25:21pm on Friday, December 2nd. I land in Austin, TX on Friday, December 23rd, at 4:30pm (barring any delays in St. Louis). Allowing for the hour it'll take me to get my luggage, etc...I should be sitting down to eat Mexican food cooked by real Mexicans who came across the border illegally the week before around 5:45 that night.

Which means...let's see...carry the one...aha! 21 days, 5 hours, 19 minutes, and 39 seconds until I get real Mexican food. The light at the end of the tunnel is near...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

oh, the weather outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful (or whatever it is). I really don't care about the lyrics - I just want to point out that I should never be allowed to light a candle again. Because my apartment smelled like a nice combination of vanilla and burning when I woke up at 8 this morning, and realized that I hadn't blown out the candles that I lit around 9:00 last night.

And then what is it with people only coming to my door while I'm in the shower? It's like Murphy's law, but only for me. And showers. At any rate, it was some guy at the door telling us that his car slid down the hill in back and hit one of the cars parked behind my house. So that's good news - when my car's back from the doctor and parked safely in my lot, I'll have to worry about people who live in the house up the hill sliding down the hill in their cars. My insurance company will so be dropping me by the end of the year.

So I'm leaving to catch the bus this morning, and I was walking down the hill outside of my apartment when my body decided it would be a better idea for me to slide down the hill. Fortunately, nothing broke, and I landed on my hip instead of my laptop. This means that (1) I'm going to have to stop taking my computer to school so that I don't fall on it and break it, and (2) I really need to find a scientist who can perfect a teleportation device, otherwise I'm not going to school for the first two months of the spring semester, since I don't have health insurance and I can't afford to break any bones.

And then I get to Contracts for the first time in three days and realize that we're not talking about anything substantive, that we still aren't talking about the reading I did for Tuesday's class, and that I would have wasted less time by staying in bed.