Wednesday, December 07, 2005

as god as my witness, i will never go to contracts again

And now, a last-day-of-classes edition of "People I Hate"...

--The people who feel the need to get up to go to the bathroom in every class. I was sitting there in Contracts this morning, comfortably lounged in my chair with my laptop on my lap completing some very important fantasy football transactions when the chick who has to get up to pee at the same time every day...got up to pee. (I know - real stretch of the imagination.) Here's the thing. If you have to urinate every day at the exact same time, just go before class. You should know that you're going to have to go, and just make a preemptive strike against your bladder and go before class so that I don't have to waste my valuable notetaking (read: internet-browsing) time by rearranging my stuff and my seat and...DID YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU NOTHING?!?!?!

--The people who feel the need to clap at the end of the last class of the semester. The professor is not an actor. You did not just watch a play. His job is to teach. Your job is to learn (read: stay awake...sort of). You are the same people who clap at the end of a movie, aren't you? Those people are even worse, because the people putting on the performance CAN'T HEAR YOU. You are clapping for the projection guy, and he's sitting up there getting smashed while he makes sure that the film doesn't break. The only viable reason to be clapping at the end of a class is because you're ecstatic that the class is over. And you're not doing that - you're clapping because you're kissing the professor's rear end... The exams are blind graded, so it doesn't matter how much brown-nosing you do. So just stop. Please.

--People who talk about you behind your back, and then make it known to you that they were talking about you behind your back by teasing you about whatever it is they were talking about. This isn't high school anymore...this isn't even undergrad. We're all adults here - can we start acting like it? Please?

--People who think I'm shallow. Just because I read Cosmo and watch television religiously and have an unnatural love of celebrity gossip and fashion...that doesn't mean I'm shallow. That's just what I do when my brain is taking a break from hating people. So just leave me alone. I'm smarter than you are; I just choose not to flaunt it...mostly because it would cut into my valuable sitting-around time.

1 Comments:

At 1:16 PM, Blogger daladies said...

amen sistah to the last one. just cuz i feel the need to fill my brain with senseless dribble while not reading cases doesn't mean i am either 1. dumber than you 2. have a lame life. everyone has to have their release.

dangerous, you and i will be the only ones with any sanity at the end of all of this. :)

 

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