Tuesday, January 31, 2006

how to dismantle an atomic bomb

"Always good to drink with a .22 magnum by your side" ~Civ Pro professor, on the drunk driver in one of our cases.

Me: I don't think it's fair that you're trying to exert undue influence over me in my weakened, cold-ridden state.
D: Doesn't undue influence require some sort of relationship? I mean, we don't even like each other.*

A few questions brought on by today's classes...

Q: If you are a law student who writes (and shares with the class) poems written about every case in the Property book, does that make you a douchebag or a tool?
A: Both. It also makes you annoying, in case you were wondering.

Q: Would you rather be Fergie (Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York) or Fergie (chick from the Black-Eyed Peas)?
A: If you are a VG, you would probably prefer to be the talentless skank from the Black-Eyed Peas, mostly because she's more similar to Jessica Simpson than Sarah Ferguson. If you are a normal woman, you'd probably rather be Sarah Ferguson, mostly because she doesn't look like a Goodwill blew up in her closet.

Q: If you are a man in your mid-twenties, and my first reaction to your outfit is, "I think they sell those vests in the woman's section of the department store...because I definitely think I had one of those in middle school," is that a good sign or a bad sign?
A: Bad. Very, very bad. Then again, you're probably so blinded by the fact that your skin is orange (either due to (a) ODing on Chee-tos, (b) overuse of Neutrogena Sunless Tanning Spray, or (c) the fact that you're 1/4 Oompa Loompa) that you can't tell from which rack you're selecting your clothes.

Q: Does needing to go get a second cup of StarCrack mean that you're addicted to caffeine?
A: No. It means that your Property book is ungodly boring. It also means that you're way too sick to be at school (thanks to your so-called friends and their icky germs), and that you probably should sleep late tomorrow instead of going to the gym at 6:30.

Meh. I just need to stay awake long enough to watch the Friday Night Dinner Explosion on tonight's all-new "Gilmore Girls"...

*My friends really are awesome people. Without friends like these, who is going to spread the germs that produce my above-mentioned weakened state? Oh, and stupid jokes like this are one of the many reasons why lawyers can only be friends with other lawyers.

Monday, January 30, 2006

achtung baby

"This is the case that proves that cranky old people have some rights." ~Property professor, on a case involving plaintiffs who sued because a company moved a mobile home across their land.

I walk into Property class today, feeling all awesome (for no particular reason, other than the fact that I am awesome), and start up the stairs to the nosebleed section. About halfway up, I trip and faceplant on one of the stairs. I know that the section of about twenty students sitting right there all saw me faceplant, despite the fact that I tried desperately to play it off...and do you think that any one of them actually asked me if I was all right?

Of course not - caring about the welfare of other people would take precious time away from philosophic discussions about someone's new Facebook photos.

Oh, and VG#1? If I have to sit here and mentally correct your grammar just to understand what your question is about, I'm going to assume that you have nothing valid to add to the discussion and continue playing Space Invaders. Or maybe I'll see if I can find a "Paris Hilton-to-English" decoder ring to use the next time you decide to pretend you've been paying attention.

Dear Douchebag Who Ate Tuna Fish in Property,

I know it's late and the day and all...but next time, can you wait 20 minutes to eat? If you can't, I hope you enjoy cleaning my vomit off of the desks, because that smell is downright rancid.


the ballad of my new haircut

I went in for a cut yesterday and asked for two inches off of all of my layers (first, of course, I had to clarify that I meant "take the length up two inches, then take everything else up two inches"). And I leave with about an inch off of my bottom layer, and everything else up at or above my shoulders (a noticeable disparity of about two inches).

It looked like I had fem-mullet. Or, more accurately, my hair was in some sort of shape resembling the mushroom power-up from Super Mario Brothers. And since I still have night terrors about mullets and going to a school named after the President of the Confederacy, I chopped off my bottom layer (with kid scissors, no less) this morning.

So if you happen to see me and think, "God, she has a crappy haircut", just remember - it was crappy when I left the salon, and I had to do extreme damage control.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

joey gladstone is the spawn of satan

I had been watching Comedy Central's marathon of the best stand-up comedy specials all day...and #3 is some ventriloquist act. I don't know if it's bad memories of watching Dave Coulier try to crack jokes with that Mr. Woodchuck puppet thing or what, but I don't find ventriloquists to be funny. In fact, ventriloquists suck.

Fraggles and Muppets are okay, because the whole point of those shows was not some lame comedian trying to get attention by "talking" to a puppet. Think about it - that guy's only talking to a puppet because no one else wanted to play with him when he was a child, and he never outgrew his loser-ness. (Yes, that's a word.)

The worst part is that I turned the channel, and saw Ryan Seacrest talking to Ray Romano and the not-funny tall guy from that stupid Raymond show...Brad Garrett. Yeah. And then my TV blew up.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

plenty of sucking potential still out there. have some faith.

My friend and I decided that the fact that we blew off studying for Contracts at about 4 in the afternoon the day before the final, sat around, and played games and watched TV for 5 hours is the reason why our grades were a full letter grade higher than what we expected.

Not that my Contracts grade is anything spectacular. It's perfectly average. Mediocre, even. I'm just glad that my Writing grade no longer has to compensate for a failing grade in Contracts.

At the same time, I decided that it's a bad sign that I had a dream last night that I got a "D" in Crim. Being a good writer can only help me so much in that class. The fact that I openly told the professor that I had no intention of ever participating won't help me here.

I think I'm gonna go buy some shoes to celebrate the fact that I didn't fail Contracts. And then I'm gonna stop talking about it, because I don't want to make people feel bad.

Friday, January 27, 2006

friday i'm in love

I'm sitting here, trying wrap my head around why anyone would want to dress like Jessica Simpson. The only thing I could come up with is that you're a VG and totally high-maintenance and have nothing better to do in class...because, quite frankly, your brain hit "Overload" when you realized that buffalo wings are chicken and Chicken of the Sea is fish. My guess is that law school is just a wee bit too tough for you when you have to exercise independent thought instead of copying off of someone else...and the whole "Jessica Simpson" wardrobe won't get you out of this one, thanks to the wonderful world of blind grading. Oh, and could you try not to laugh at people when they make valid points in class? Thanks.

Earlier this week, I posted a video of K-Fed jamming to his new song, "PopoZao". Today, I bring you James Lipton (of "Inside the Actors Studio" fame) on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" reciting the lyrics to "PopoZao". After watching this, I could only speculate as to what I had done to make Christmukwanzakkah come again so quickly.

My goal for this weekend? Sleeping for more than three hours at a time, because this whole "seeing spots" thing is starting to freak me out.

dr. noah drake, put down the flask - you're needed in exam room #2

Our Contracts grades are going to be posted sometime over the weekend. I'd like to think that Prof. K. is a closet Rick Springfield fan, and the promise of getting him to play Bascom Mall was all of the incentive he needed to stop wandering through the atrium and finish grading our exams.

So now, using my apparent knack for concert promoting, I need to figure out what bands to bring to the show in order to get Profs. S. and C. to turn in our grades in Crim and Civ Pro.

I think adding Bob Dylan, Dire Straits, Black Sabbath, and The Who to the lineup should do the trick. If all else fails, I'm going to get in contact with The Cars, because there's something about Ric Ocasek's ghoulish appearance that just screams, "this is what happens to students when they don't get their grades". And because "Drive" is a great song.

the defense would like to call jesus christ to the stand

In Italy, a judge began hearing arguments this morning based on a complaint filed by an atheist (Cascioli) who claims that the Roman Catholic Church has been tricking people for the last 2000 with claims that Jesus existed, and that priest Enrico Righi is violating two Italian laws by perpetuating the Church's claims:

Cascioli filed a criminal complaint in 2002 after Righi wrote in a parish bulletin that Jesus did indeed exist, and that he was born of a couple named Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem and lived in Nazareth. Cascioli claims that Righi's assertion constituted two crimes under Italian law: so-called "abuse of popular belief," in which someone fraudulently deceives people; and "impersonation," in which someone gains by attributing a false name to a person.

"The point is not to establish whether Jesus existed or not, but if there is a question of possible fraud," Cascioli's attorney, Mauro Fonzo, told reporters before the hearing.

Cascioli says the church has been gaining financially by "impersonating" as Christ someone by the name of John of Gamala, the son of Judas from Gamala. He has said he has little hope of the case succeeding in overwhelmingly Roman Catholic Italy, but that he is merely going through the necessary legal steps to reach the European Court of Human Rights, where he intends to accuse the church of what he calls "religious racism."

My favorite part about the whole thing is that the plaintiff's attorney's last name is Fonzo, and the whole time I was reading this, I kept wondering if his offices are in the bathroom of a diner. Or if he has a strange attachment to leather jackets and pomade.

i'm not the only one

TortCaesar had an encounter with a set of conjoined twins yesterday. I'd like to think we're talking about the same people. Because if we're not, that means that there are many, many people at UW who would be completely incapable of surviving if they aren't sitting next to one particular person every minute they're in class. And that makes me wonder if we shouldn't start holding memorial services for every 1L's individuality and self-sufficiency.

Unless my earlier post about Bobbie Jo and her hetero life-mate gave other people ideas to start pulling the same immature crap. Or the lack of a seating chart makes people think they have the right to sit anywhere they want - including a seat that's already occupied - because they have some sort of pre-possessory interest in that seat because their life partner is in the adjoining seat. Or it's just anarchy, and without any structure, the weak have to follow the less-weak (and, again, can't survive unless they sit next to a stronger human life form).

They are sheep. (Unlike me, of course - I am a pilgrim, and Bono is my leader.)

Thursday, January 26, 2006

thursday's child*

Now that I've gotten that mini-deep thought out of my system, on with the show.

JUST ADDED: Rick Springfield has agreed to take a break from his return to "General Hospital" to sing "Jessie's Girl" at Law Aid. Bryan Adams is currently in talks to play; however, our people are insisting that he lose some of the "creepy" that he's acquired ever since that whole "The Only Thing that Looks Good on Me is You" debacle.

"I don't think it's easy. I think it's annoying. But it's the law" ~property professor, on the UCC.

The irony about being "on call" in today's Property class is that the only questions I answered were pertaining to the UCC. And I felt like I understood the UCC fairly well, and was able to read the section in our materials and apply it to the case at hand before the professor went through it with the class step-by-step because he didn't think we'd understand it. So that means that I finally understand something pertaining to Contracts class...a full month after my Contracts exam.**

The saga of the VG continues, as they were sitting in class today straight-up bragging about how they copied some guy's Citation homework because it was "too hard" for them to do on their own, and they had more important things to talk about...like highlights. It's sickening. And kind of sad, when you think about how little respect you have to have for yourself and your work product has to be in order for you to actually sit there and feel good about being graded on something that's not your own. (The funny part, of course, is that I spotted a few errors when they were handing the assignment in. I love karma.)

Then again, this is law school - maybe I should've checked my morals at the door when I gave up my soul for "safe-keeping".

*This is the only song title I could find with the word "Thursday" in the title. Thank God for David Bowie.
**This reminds me of how I failed shoe-tying in Kindergarten. (Yes, I got a "U" in shoe-tying for the year...I'm not too quick, okay? I still can't shuffle a deck of cards either, so back off.) I kept practicing and practicing all year and couldn't get it. Finally, the week after school let out and report cards came home, I figured it out. I mean, better late than never...but if we follow this pattern, it doesn't bode well for my Contracts grade.

how far are you gonna go before you lose your way back home?

I've received quite a few questions/comments regarding certain posts of late - namely, why my blog has centered around my disdain for the activities and attitudes of certain people in my classes. And since most of those questions involve me justifying why I get so irritated by these people, and I've been avoiding those questions because I hadn't really thought about my reasoning...I decided to sit down, think about it, and post my justification (such as it is) for all to read.

As if you can't tell from my bitterness, I was one of the least popular kids in my middle/high school back in Mechanicsville, Virginia. Mostly, the problem was that I was a dork with glasses and bad taste in clothes. Predictably, there was this one group of kids that tortured me for about seven straight years. No matter how nice I tried to be to them...or no matter how hard I tried to avoid them, I always ended up being the butt of their jokes and the subject of various ugly rumors. Several times, I was the target for airborne french fries in the cafeteria. It wasn't unusual for them to yell at me simply for looking in their direction.

These kids were the rich kids in school...the popular kids who all lived in the same neighborhoods, drove expensive cars, and only wore clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch. They were also in all of my classes because they were of above-average intelligence. While I actually studied, they sat there and copied one person's homework. They passed notes during tests, and whispered about those of us who actually tried to do well in school. At least two of the students from this clique were in our top ten, and it was common knowledge that they cheated on every assignment they turned in - but no one wanted to say anything, because everyone wanted to be a part of this inner circle and not get on their bad side.

Essentially, this was the reason I wanted to leave Mechanicsville/Richmond by the time I was fifteen. I wanted to get away from them...and I wanted even more desperately to get away from the person that I felt like when I was around them.

You would think that, by the time we all turned 23, 24, 25, that people would have gotten this behavior out of their system. That we'd all be a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and little bit more mature and self-respecting. Instead, I find myself surrounded by people who remind me more and more of the people I tried to escape for eleven long years...and I find myself regressing into that sad, bitter, lonely person that I thought I had finally left behind.

Maybe this doesn't justify me being catty towards certain people...but I hope that people understand this much: this is sort of like me getting out all of those things that I wanted to say back then, when I didn't have the strength to do so.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

waiting for wednesday

"I think that's what they do on TV…" ~student's justification for choosing a particular course of action in criminal procedure.

"I think a good rule of thumb is: at the end of the day, if somebody's gotta go to jail, let it not be you....If you've got to lie, do it sincerely…like when you tell your mother-in-law, 'Nice to see you'." ~criminal procedure professor, on whether you or your client should lie to the judge.

What do you do when you happen to see two girls from your Legal Research and Writing class completing their citation assignment together? Not just both sitting at the same table doing the same assignment, but actually sharing the Bluebook and asking each other questions, which I believe is some form of academic misconduct... Or is my judgment just clouded by the fact that I think these girls pretty much suck at life?

I'm unhappy to report that my Starbucks gift card only has enough on it for one more cup of coffee. That means that I drink so much StarCrack that I went through $25 in about a week. (This may be adding to my annoyance with the VG sharing their answers on an assignment.)

Apparently, my discussion assignment for Property tomorrow involves re-reading parts of the UCC...which means that Contracts has returned to haunt me. I thought I was out, but it's pulling me back in. Excuse me while I have a heart attack.

better advice than dr. phil

I've decided that the best time to find out that the skirt you're wearing is (a) extremely staticky, (b) in desperate need of an ironing, and (c) torn on one of the seams is while you're walking to class, and it's too late to go home and change.

(The sad thing about the tear is that, once I found it on the way to school, I realized that I made a mental note to break out the sewing kit and fix it the last time I wore this...which was sometime in NOVEMBER. And there was another mental note to get my mother to mend it while I had the skirt in Texas at Christmas as part of my year-end laundry extravaganza.)

Likewise, I have discovered that five minutes before class is the best time to realize that you have forgotten to (a) eat lunch before leaving home, and (b) prepare a lunch to eat between classes.

Law Aid update: Phil Collins has agreed to play, and will be singing "Sussudio" (a.k.a. one of the worst songs ever written).

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

fun with real videos!

Video #1 - From last weekend's "Saturday Night Live" - the ballad of Young Chuck Norris - for anyone who wants to know how Chuck got his start as a kickboxing and law-enforcement legend. Not as good as Lazy Sunday, but still the best part of last week's episode.

(Bonus for all you Followers of Chuck out there, please enjoy some Random Chuck Norris Facts)

Video #2 - While we're on the subject of Chuck Norris...the best Walker: Texas Ranger Lever clip ever from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien". It's highly offensive, and I hate myself for laughing at it, mostly because it gets funnier every time I see it.

Video #3 - "Hi there, I'm Kevin Federline. You may know me because I married Britney Spears so that I could be sure to live in a house with an endless supply of Chee-tos. Now she thinks I need to get off the couch and, like, get a job. But since I'm barely qualified to pump gas I figured, hey, why don't I try singing? I mean, my wife's completely talentless and has made millions! So here's my video. Oh, and if you want to know what a PopoZao is, don't ask. My manager told me once, but I smoked a huge bowl right after he told me, so those brain cells are long gone. And I can't look it up in the dictionary because I can't read or write."

(this is what happens when The WB chooses to show reruns of "Gilmore Girls" instead of new episodes.)

ruby tuesday

Valley Girls go to Law School: I get to class today and am setting up my stuff, and am immediately distracted by giggling around me. I look over, and the VG are shopping for sex toys in the middle of the room.

I'm having the hardest time fighting the urge to tap the person in front of me on the shoulder while she's shopping in class and tell her that the shoes she's looking at are the second-ugliest pair of shoes I've ever seen in my life. (The absolute ugliest being the bridesmaid's shoes with the ginormous bows and clear, plastic heels that someone tried to get me to wear.)

The lights are out in the back half of the classroom (where I sit). The professor got an A-V geek in here at the beginning of class, but apparently he couldn't figure out which switch controls the lights in the back half of the classroom. (Apparently, it was too difficult for the professor who turned the lights off to turn them back on again for the next class.) In the last 45 minutes, I have developed a serious headache from straining to read (a) my notes, (b) my book, and (c) my computer screen. And now I can't see straight.

Question: if you're sitting there talking smack about someone you're supposed to be friends with for over 45 minutes and refer to this person as "such a third grader", does that make you more or less mature than the average third grader? Because it definitely makes you less mature than the average law school student.

no, i ain't gonna play sun city

Just added to the Law Aid lineup:

David Bowie
Billy Ocean ('cause his agent told me on the phone that he doesn't have anything better to do than sing "Caribbean Queen" for a bunch of disgruntled law students)

I think my next venture will be putting on a concert to benefit the Starbucks training program. Because even though it took them a full semester to get the "grande sugar-free hazelnut nonfat no whip mocha" part down, they still haven't mastered the part where they don't burn the coffee. Burned coffee = Sad, uncaffeinated, cranky me...and we wouldn't want that, now would we?

Whoever out there just thought to themselves, "but she's cranky even with the caffeine"... okay, you're right. But I'm worse without it. Trust me.

Monday, January 23, 2006

bob geldof, where art thou?

We've decided that the only way we'll be able to get our Civ Pro grades out of our professor is to hold some sort of demonstration that is musical in nature, even though our Civ Pro professor is pretty much deaf and can't hear anyone who is more than 10 feet away from her.

Think about it: With all of the famine, poverty, and disease rampantly destroying the population, what could be more perfect than a group of UW law students coming together to stage Law Aid, a two-day festival dedicated to the prompt turning-in of grades to the Registrar? This will put an end to all 1Ls' misconceptions that they are, in fact, qualified for a decent summer job. Or ever will be, for that matter.

But at least they'd get to say they put on a sweet concert. Imagine: A holographic image of Freddie Mercury dressed in that sweet white bodysuit...Bono singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday" while parading the Wisconsin state flag around the stage...Keith Richards coming back from the dead...Elton John and George Michael trying to out-diva one another...and Spandau Ballet. Nothing says "Save the Law Students" like Spandau Ballet.

manic monday

The day in review:

"Did you really do that to a farm animal?" - Crim Pro professor, on whether lawyers should ask clients if they are guilty

"I wouldn't come as often as I do if I didn't have to teach the class." - Property professor, on attending class

The gunners need to shut up. Yesterday. We had to listen to you all last semester in Contracts...haven't you had your fill of being the center of attention already? Or do you feel some deep psychological need to make everyone feel inferior to your ability to make the answers sound so obvious? No one likes a show off...particularly one whose answers contain an intonation that, under most circumstances, would suggest the presence of a "duh" somewhere in the response.

I spent half of the day watching the Valley Girls e-mail each other in class, while sitting next to each other...with AIM up. Now, I'm a huge proponent of AIM during class, but e-mail? That's a lot of effort when you have to keep refreshing your WiscMail java applet (trust me - e-mail is much easier to manage with Outlook '03). And besides, you're together all the time - can't the conversation take a 45-minute hiatus while you, I don't know, sit there, shop for Chihuahuas online*, and pretend to look interested?

Sadly, Bobbie Jo Sororiskank didn't get to the class where there is no seating chart early enough to get a seat next to her hetero law school mate. On the bright side, it became evident that, while they are conjoined, the two bodies each have unique nervous and circulatory systems, thus proving that they can be surgically separated without major repercussions.

*Chihuahuas are soooooo last season. Monkeys are the celebutante pet of choice. Didn't you catch that on one of your pop culture blogs?

george w. bush is a big fat idiot, and other observations

On the administration's spying program, recently coined the "Terrorist Surveillance Program", courtesy of the Associated Press:

Bush said a congressional resolution passed after Sept. 11, 2001, that authorized him to use force in the fight against terrorism, also allowed him to order the top-secret program. That operation was disclosed last month by The New York Times.

"Congress gave me the authority to use necessary force to protect the American people, but it didn't prescribe the tactics," Bush said, adding that the government needs to know why people linked to al Qaida are calling into the U.S. "One of the ways to protect the American people is to understand the intentions of the enemy."

Apparently, "force" implies that you can spy on the American people. And, apparently, the authority to use force against terrorist regimes is a blank check for GWB to do whatever his little heart desires in order to cover up for the fact that his cronies dropped the ball in the Summer of '01. Why does the current administration feel the need to set this country back 300 years? If my memories of 10th grade AP American History serve me, wasn't one of the reasons why we wanted the Brits out of Colonial America the fact that they felt the need to spy on the people to ensure that some treasonous actions were not being undertaken?*

I'd also like to point out that the NSA's normal surveillance tactics uncovered the flight school that the 9/11 hijackers were attending, the plans to target the WTC, a report entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside U.S.", and a few other key elements. Why, now, is this spying essential to our security? Why does the buck not stop with the idiots in charge themselves? We didn't need special surveillance tactics to uncover vital information that we would turn around and ignore because they were uncovered by the previous administration. Just because you avoided getting indicted doesn't mean that you're not guilty as sin. Remember: Even O.J. Simpson got acquitted of double murder.

Likewise, I'm shocked by the reports that we're considering letting the female Iraqi prisoners go just to save that poor journalist that's being held hostage. First of all, letting these prisoners go completely negates the principle that democratic states do not negotiate with terrorist organizations. It's a terrible precedent to set, and one that could only end badly. And what about people such as Daniel Pearl, a reporter executed in early 2002, for whom there was no negotiation? What are you supposed to tell his widow and child about the government's desire to save his life? Second, terrorist organizations don't exactly follow the Geneva Convention - there is nothing saying that letting these prisoners go free will result in the release of Jill Carroll. Rather, I'd be willing to bet that our release of the 9 prisoners would only expedite her execution.

The bottom line: The #1 intention of any terrorist organization is to instill fear in the hearts of their target(s). By enacting this operation, the administration is showing that not only have the terrorists won, but that they won by the slaughter rule (10 runs or more after 5 innings of Little League baseball, I believe). You know they're sitting over there laughing at what they have caused the Land of the Formerly Free to become. And the more we acquiesce, the more motivated they're going to become to continue to act and, if all goes well, completely self-destruct, as all great civilizations inevitably do.

*The plus-side to setting the country back 300 years, of course, is the fact that the Republican Party didn't come into existence until the 1850s.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

kickin' it up a notch...or ten...

I'm a sucker for spicy foods - the hot salsa at Chipotle, the hottest Buffalo wings you can find, garlic as far as the eye can see... But tonight, I made a dinner that was so spicy that I made myself ill. Spanish rice with red pepper flakes, four types of fresh peppers, and garlic. I think I may have developed an ulcer in the last 15 minutes.

Oops. Guess I should check "chef" off of the list of new career paths to consider. Except that it was really tasty rice...right up until the part where I lost all of the feeling in my gums.

insert cute boot in mouth

So we got our Torts grades yesterday....and let's just say that I've realized that I probably shouldn't condemn the Valley Girls in my classes, since they are likely not only more intelligent than I am, but they also probably received better grades than I did. Oh, and I should probably stock up on the red shirts to wear at Target this summer, since they don't require a transcript. Or maybe I should consider a career in the custodial arts.

Still, I keep telling myself that Rory Gilmore got a D on her first paper at Chilton, and she ended up valedictorian....so, you know, maybe not all hope is lost.*

Moving on, is it a bad sign that I woke up yesterday morning and, when I stood up to get ready for the gym, saw nothing but flashing lights? Oh, not like, police officer flashing lights. I mean, bright yellow and green and white spots almost completely covering the bedroom furniture. Yeah, they went away...but that definitely isn't right. In fact, I spent the rest of the morning on the couch feeling like I was swimming through mud. I'm trying to decide if this has something to do with the gym, or if it has to do with the sleeping pills and me trying to normalize my sleeping schedule, or if God is trying to tell me that law school just isn't my thing.

*Yes, it's a TV show. You know what? I don't care.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

did you see the cute boots?

My Property professor may be the most awesome professor alive, as he just asked the class what the problem is with having a shoe fetish.

I've decided that the main benefit to wearing the cute, tall boots today was the fact that they don't rub up against the penny-sized blister on my heel. Apparently, there is a benefit to not going to the gym - you don't spend an hour running with your sneakers rubbing against your heels; therefore, you don't end up with a massive blister that opens up in the middle of the day and makes it impossible for you to walk anywhere. But at least I'm going to the gym (7am, every day!), and the wonderful world of sleeping pills is getting me to bed at a decent hour...but I'm still exhausted, and I've only been in class a week.

I'm actually (most likely) going to skip going out tonight just because I'm so tired. When did I become this old and lame?

Or maybe I'm only this tired because I had to sit through Citation class. Someone should e-mail the Department of Homeland Security and tell them that broadcasting Citation class on al-Jazeera would be so effective as a form of torture that we'd find every terrorist alive within a week. And - bonus - the torture wouldn't involve bloodshed...unless ears start bleeding when someone drones on and on about the Bluebook.

Huh? What's that? You say we don't torture people because it violates UN policy? Riiiiiiiight...by the way, can you ask your head to send me a postcard from the inside of your rectum?

Side note: we need to get grades soon, because I'm tired of listening to the same people in all of my classes who (probably mistakenly) believe that they're the smartest person here.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

is this seat taken?

Part of the beauty of law school is the ritual of choosing your "assigned" seat for the semester. The funny part of this ritual is that people will actually show up to class half an hour early just to make sure that they get that "prime" seat in the front of the classroom (the irony, of course, is that the professor in question often only picks on those people in the front of the room). The irritating part is that people feel compelled to sit by their friends, even if someone got there first.

So I come to class and choose a seat with one seat in between myself and each of the people on either side of me. And then I move because the chick on one side keeps looking at what I'm doing on the computer. So I've got one seat in between me and someone I remotely know. And then some other chick decides that she and her friend need me to move so that they can sit by this person. At this point, I'm freakin' irritated. We're all adults. We don't need to sit next to someone we know in every class. That's what Instant Messenger is for. There are blocks of two seats scattered throughout the room...but yet, I still have to move so that Bobbie Jo Sororiskank* can sit next to someone she knows.

And end up once again sitting one seat away from the chick I was desperately trying to avoid with move #1. I quit.

*Names have been changed to protect the irritating.

somewhere out there, a village is missing it's idiot

That idiot just happens to be in my Criminal Procedure class, and wrote the following in her notes today:

"[Professor] doesn't pay attention to attendance, participation."

Is it just me, but shouldn't that be one of those things that you store in the back of your mind for when you need to find comfort in the fact that you're three days behind in your reading or are too exhausted to show up to your 1:30pm first-class-of-the-day? Do you really need to waste the keystrokes? Typing does not count as cardio, people, so there's no reason to expend the energy that you should be storing up for when you really need it. And don't come complaining to me when you develop carpal-tunnel syndrome before the end of the semester. Because I will be the one pointing and laughing at you and your idiotic notes.

And finally, some words to live by, courtesy of my Crim Pro professor: "Don't get your license suspended until you paid all your loans back."

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

back on the chain gang

Five minutes into my first class of the semester, and I already have a gripe.

The professor's up there giving us the ground rules for his class... e.g., "be on time", "be prepared"...

And people are actually writing this down. In their notes.

If you don't have enough common sense to come to class on time and with the reading done, then you shouldn't be in law school. In fact, you should probably undergo some sort of sterilization procedure. Trust me - future generations will thank you.

UPDATE: I also enjoyed this gem, courtesy of the idiot sitting in front of me: "Civ Pro II requires more critical thought". Nooooo, really? Is that what that "II" implies?

Monday, January 16, 2006

seals and croft rock harder than this

My #1 goal in life: to have enough money to be able to afford a maid. And a TiVo. But first I want the maid.

Why? Because cleaning is not rock and roll. In fact, it sucks wicked hardcore. It's taken me three hours to put away almost all of the Christmas decorations, rearrange my bookcase, rearrange the furniture so that I can have a "desk", and get rid of the piles of junk on my living room floor. I still have to clean my kitchen and bedroom...and we're not even going to deal with the patio, because (1) it's cold, and (2) it's my own personal landfill.

And now the fact that my wall art doesn't align perfectly with my couch is driving me batty. I'm getting the hammer out and fixing it (yes, now - it's not like I sleep...ever...), because I'm anal-retentive and I can't have stuff that isn't perfectly hung on my wall.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

methinks oingo boingo willst soon makest an appearance

I nearly had a heart attack when I opened up my box of Cocoa Krispies tonight. There, sitting on top of the sealed bag of Krispies was a small, also-sealed bag containing the toy advertised on the front of the box.

What is this world coming to? Do people not realize that all of the fun of getting the cereal with the toy in it is the digging through the cereal to find the toy stashed at the bottom?!?! These toys generally aren't small enough to get lost among the Frosted Flakes, and I personally would like to see the kid that's able to swallow a Matchbox car. So what gives? I want to practice my Indiana Jones-esque digging skills while I enjoy my cereal, and I'd feel kinda stupid unwrapping the toy and dropping it in the cereal box so that I can dig for it at a later time.

Oh well. Back to not cleaning...and not sleeping before 6am. (I so wish I was kidding about that last part.)

Saturday, January 14, 2006

you cannot keep a room full of anglo-saxons waiting this long for cake

I was busy eating all of the junk-esque food in my house, and I had to stop and wonder why I was eating so much. I mean, school hasn't started yet, so it can't be stress eating...unless I was stressing about the fact that I'm going to be stressing soon, and performing some sort of preemptive strike with my nachos made from Baked Tostitos. And then, it hit me. I'm filling a void in my life by filling the void in my tummy.

What void is that, you ask?

The void that was caused when I realized that the Patriots were going to lose to the Broncos. The last day of football season is always a sad, sad day in my world...especially when that last day isn't the day after a Super Bowl win. There's always next year.

In the middle of my second bowl of popcorn today, I realized: the last time the Patriots didn't win the Super Bowl was the year that the Cubbies went to the playoffs (and would've gone to the Series if it wasn't for Steve Bartman...YES I'm still bitter...YES I blame him...NO I will not get over it). And suddenly, the silver lining became apparent. THIS year is the Cubs' year.

And so, my life will begin again 79 days from now. Hopefully, I'll be at Wrigley to enjoy the home opener in 83 days. Now back to watching Luke and Lorelai break up.

Friday, January 13, 2006

oy with the poodles already

I forgot to add this to the list: I also have homework to do before classes resume on Tuesday. 80 bloody pages of reading for my two classes on Tuesday, plus another 40 for Wednesday. I really don't like the fact that my sabbatical from homework is coming to an end.

AND - I can't believe I forgot this - the Patriots game tomorrow night, when they march into Denver and show just how much the run defense has improved since early November. I know they're not exactly favored, but I don't think I could bear it to see the AFC Championships end with anything besides Peyton Manning crying like a baby on the turf of the RCA Dome because New England marched in and showed once again that Manning is the biggest choker since Scott Norwood.

But I did get "Relax" downloaded, so we can cross that off the list. Small victories.

it was commonly known that james madison liked big knockers

And now, a list of the things I should be doing instead of enjoying my "Gilmore Girls" Seasons 1-5 marathon (by the way, I'm on the last two episodes of season 4 - the ones where Luke and Lorelai finally get together...but I'm not obsessed in the least):

-- cleaning my apartment, since it won't get done anytime during the semester
-- taking down the Christmas tree
-- shredding the junk mail scattered around my apartment
-- logging all of the rejection letters I got from firms regarding summer jobs, so I know if there are any left to whom I can send transcripts
-- panicking about the inevitable icky feeling that I'll get in the pit of my stomach once I receive last semester's grades
-- no, really - cleaning
-- hunting down a pink legal pad to go with my pink binder and pink notecards
-- grocery shopping
-- getting a hair cut
-- doing my last pleasure reading (the new Al Franken book) for the next four months
-- shopping for more new sweaters and turtlenecks
-- buying some blue and black ink refills
-- going to go see Casanova and/or Tristan & Isolde
-- did I mention cleaning?
-- downloading Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax" in iTunes, because I've heard that song about three times in the last day, and I think fate is telling me something

My goal is to have a third of this list completed by the time my first class starts on Tuesday. At the very least, I'm gonna have that Frankie Goes to Hollywood downloaded, because I don't think I can go one more day without it.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

mo-om! he touched me!

I woke up this morning with a really bizarre rash in a really strange place, and when I went to the doctor to have it checked out, he informed me that the rash was due to being tagged by Legally Intoxicated over at Law & Alcoholism. So I'm taking this time between applying the topical ointment* and plugging through the third season of "Gilmore Girls" to tell you join in the meme and post three things that (most) people don't know about me.

1. I prefer going to the movies alone. I find it's much easier to enjoy the movie if you're not worried about whether or not your movie choice is acceptable to the person sitting next to you. And you don't have to worry about whether or not they're judging you because you're sitting there laughing/snickering/rolling your eyes/crying like a baby when they're not. It's a distinctly personal journey into another world that I prefer to keep to myself.

2. I have not only willingly gone to Disneyland Paris (a.k.a. EuroDisney), but I had a blast. It's cleaner, and Space Mountain is better there. Because that's important - the quality of the park's Space Mountain.

3. I have an unnatural addiction to cemeteries and any other burial places. It sounds weird, yes...but I definitely trekked through Europe perusing various cemeteries, churches, crypts, etc. I spent a day in Père Lachaise searching for Jim Morrison's grave. One of my favorite spots in Richmond was Hollywood Cemetery, which is where several presidents (and many Confederate soldiers and officials) are buried. Makes for a good photography project...except when it's breezy and you keep thinking that there's someone behind you.

Tag time!
A Break in the Clouds, you're it!

*That's a funny word. Ointment.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

it's never quite as it seems

It's never good when you wake up in the morning and realize that your dream involved you having a summer job at Target.

This is not coming true. This is so not going to come true. This had better not come true.

And this reminds me - I need to go to Target.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

365 degrees

I went to bed around 1 this morning, then rolled out of bed around 2:30 to go to the bathroom. As I strolled through my kitchen, I noticed that my apartment smelled sort of like brownies.

Brownies? Why does my apartment smell like baked goods?

And then I realized - I had left a candle burning in my living room...and if I hadn't had eight glasses of water before bed, I wouldn't have caught it.

I should probably not be allowed to play with fire, or else my house'll look like Great White just played here.

Monday, January 09, 2006

straight outta suffolk*

Marcus Vick is a great role model, especially if you're a kid who wants to get booted off of Division I-A football teams when you grow up. Since he's the more talented of the Vick brothers, I can see some team drafting him anyway. So I've got a Hamilton that says that he'll end up playing for the Oakland Raiders (the NFL's version of juvy) with the rest of the head cases.

And while we're putting money on college athletes, who wants to bet that Matt Leinart will end up going the way of Gino Torretta?

*It's pronounced sorta like "suffik". Just like Norfolk is pronounced "norfik". I can't tell you how badly I wanted to strangle some woman in the DFW airport for pronouncing it noRfoLk, with emphasis on the R and the L. That L doesn't exist. Deal with it.

you can't go home again...can you?

The greatest compliment I received while in Richmond was this one: "You haven't changed a bit." (Which is great, because that means that law school hasn't sucked my soul away...but if I feel soulless, and I haven't changed, did that mean that I lost my soul long ago, and am just now realizing it? Either way, I have no soul, but people don't seem to mind.)

But things are just...off. Maybe it's the fact that even though we've all kept in touch, everyone has new friends and new experiences. There are some friends that you can speak to sporadically for five months and then fall back into conversation with as if you never left...and then there are those friends that are so entrenched in their new lives and new acquaintances that they "have better things to do". There's a good one for the ego: one of your supposed best friends would rather spend time talking to a chick he met in an AOL chat room a week ago than you. (Of course, you telling him that chicks who prowl AOL dating-specific chat rooms looking for men are either (a) too ugly for the bar scene, or (b) fifteen* couldn't have helped either.)

Bah. At the very least, there's a chance that I may have gotten a summer job out of the trip. I hope I get this job, mostly because I already have the required wardrobe (no suit shopping for one more summer - hooray!).

Now that I'm back in Madison, I've made it my goal to watch the first 5 seasons of "Gilmore Girls" on DVD. I'm halfway through season 1, with 7 days to go before classes start. I figure accomplishing something small like this will translate into bigger accomplishments later on. Or something like that.

*I did forget to mention to him that he has the burden of discovering that she really is 22, as she claims to be, since mistake is not a defense when it comes to the age of a minor. See? I did learn things while playing Space Invaders in class.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

hook 'em horns

Sadly, today was my last day in the 80 degree heat of Austin, Texas, where I've looked out the window (even dared to venture outside on occasion) and praised Jeebus for me not being stuck in Madison freezing my derrière off. No more Mexican food, no more waking up at 1, no more not getting up off of the couch because I'm too busy watching "Gilmore Girls" and "General Hospital". And worse - I just realized that this marks the halfway point in Chrismakwanzukkah break. I don't know what I'm dreading more - the return to the monotony that is classes, or the eventual posting of last semester's grades. (shudder)

But, the good news is that the vacay isn't over yet. I'm off to former River City home (Richmond, for those of you who come from other cities that refer to themselves as the "River City"). It'll be colder, but I get to see the friends that I've missed terribly since August 12th when I started packing up the U-Haul (I'm looking at you, Kim, Kathy, and Lauren). There'll be shopping and hockey games and eating my way through the Bottom* and friends and laughing and flowers and puppies and rainbows. It'll be great.**

Oh, and let's not forget about the part where I go back to my old firm and get down on my knees in my old boss's office and beg for a job for the summer. (I'd post pictures, but I don't think I could talk anyone into taking them for me.)

I'm off like a dirty shirt.

And I almost forgot - hook 'em horns. I'll be the one in Stoolies with the UT shirt on cheering like crazy when you prove once and for all that Reggie Bush is nothin' but hype.

*As disgusting as that sounds, "The Bottom" is Richmond's historic Shockoe Bottom district, which housed tobacco warehouses, etc. in the 19th century...and which flooded in August '04 and sent my poor car to a watery demise. I'm particularly fond of Bottom's Up, which is probably the best pizza within 100 miles, and which didn't re-open until the weekend after I left.
**Okay, the flowers and rainbows may be a *slight* exaggeration. Richmond is dreary in January.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

the eyes of texas are upon you

So I've decided what I want for Christmas next year. Since it's $27.99 plus S+H, you won't break the bank - it's a little over 2 bucks a month. And - bonus - it'll give me something to throw against the wall in any exam-related fits of aggression!

That should probably be one of my New Year's resolutions - to find ways to let out my aggression so that I'm not so irritated all of the time. I'd resolve to be nicer to people, but (1) baby steps, and (2) being nicer entails not pointing and laughing at them so much, and where's the fun in that? I'd also resolve to wake up before 11:30, which I haven't done since I arrived in Texas, but I'll work on that when classes start again. (Would it look bad for me to stroll into my 11:00 class looking exhausted and toting Starbucks every day? No? Good.)

Oh, and I have good news for a change! As shocking as that is in and of itself, rest assured that it's not good news of an important nature - not like I got a summer job or a grade above a B- in my classes or anything really good that only the truly deserving people (i.e., the people who actually did homework instead of blowing off the library for a U2 concert*) receive. No, we here at Negligent Use are all about the "Totally Irrelevant to Anything Seemingly Intelligent or Relevant to Society"...and in that spirit, I'd like to announce that I came in first place in my dad's fantasy football league.

Yep, that's me - the Ryan Leaf Fan Club (formerly "Peyton Still Sucks", in honor of last year's team, "Peyton Manning Sucks"...my brain doesn't have many tracks here). I had to pick up about half a dozen players to do it (starting quarterback Jim Sorgi, anyone?) but I definitely feel a sense of accomplishment. Again - baby steps. I hesitate to say it, but I think things are looking up.

And on that note - back to my "Gilmore Girls" DVD sets.** (Yes, that's plural.)

*Bono. Front row. We've been over this a hundred times, people. Priorities.
**I'm also going to work on making this blog about more than what I'm watching on TV at the moment...I can't help it, though - I watch way too much TV for any regular human being, much less one trying to succeed in law school.