Tuesday, January 31, 2006

how to dismantle an atomic bomb

"Always good to drink with a .22 magnum by your side" ~Civ Pro professor, on the drunk driver in one of our cases.

Me: I don't think it's fair that you're trying to exert undue influence over me in my weakened, cold-ridden state.
D: Doesn't undue influence require some sort of relationship? I mean, we don't even like each other.*

A few questions brought on by today's classes...

Q: If you are a law student who writes (and shares with the class) poems written about every case in the Property book, does that make you a douchebag or a tool?
A: Both. It also makes you annoying, in case you were wondering.

Q: Would you rather be Fergie (Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York) or Fergie (chick from the Black-Eyed Peas)?
A: If you are a VG, you would probably prefer to be the talentless skank from the Black-Eyed Peas, mostly because she's more similar to Jessica Simpson than Sarah Ferguson. If you are a normal woman, you'd probably rather be Sarah Ferguson, mostly because she doesn't look like a Goodwill blew up in her closet.

Q: If you are a man in your mid-twenties, and my first reaction to your outfit is, "I think they sell those vests in the woman's section of the department store...because I definitely think I had one of those in middle school," is that a good sign or a bad sign?
A: Bad. Very, very bad. Then again, you're probably so blinded by the fact that your skin is orange (either due to (a) ODing on Chee-tos, (b) overuse of Neutrogena Sunless Tanning Spray, or (c) the fact that you're 1/4 Oompa Loompa) that you can't tell from which rack you're selecting your clothes.

Q: Does needing to go get a second cup of StarCrack mean that you're addicted to caffeine?
A: No. It means that your Property book is ungodly boring. It also means that you're way too sick to be at school (thanks to your so-called friends and their icky germs), and that you probably should sleep late tomorrow instead of going to the gym at 6:30.

Meh. I just need to stay awake long enough to watch the Friday Night Dinner Explosion on tonight's all-new "Gilmore Girls"...

*My friends really are awesome people. Without friends like these, who is going to spread the germs that produce my above-mentioned weakened state? Oh, and stupid jokes like this are one of the many reasons why lawyers can only be friends with other lawyers.


At 11:16 PM, Blogger Legally Intoxicated (Retired) said...

I wrote a limerick about a case in Property once. I don't remember what case it was, or the first two lines, but I'm pretty sure it went something like:

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
We'll find their intentions
With court-made inventions,
'Cause stare decisis is gay.

Fuck it.


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