Thursday, January 26, 2006

how far are you gonna go before you lose your way back home?

I've received quite a few questions/comments regarding certain posts of late - namely, why my blog has centered around my disdain for the activities and attitudes of certain people in my classes. And since most of those questions involve me justifying why I get so irritated by these people, and I've been avoiding those questions because I hadn't really thought about my reasoning...I decided to sit down, think about it, and post my justification (such as it is) for all to read.

As if you can't tell from my bitterness, I was one of the least popular kids in my middle/high school back in Mechanicsville, Virginia. Mostly, the problem was that I was a dork with glasses and bad taste in clothes. Predictably, there was this one group of kids that tortured me for about seven straight years. No matter how nice I tried to be to them...or no matter how hard I tried to avoid them, I always ended up being the butt of their jokes and the subject of various ugly rumors. Several times, I was the target for airborne french fries in the cafeteria. It wasn't unusual for them to yell at me simply for looking in their direction.

These kids were the rich kids in school...the popular kids who all lived in the same neighborhoods, drove expensive cars, and only wore clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch. They were also in all of my classes because they were of above-average intelligence. While I actually studied, they sat there and copied one person's homework. They passed notes during tests, and whispered about those of us who actually tried to do well in school. At least two of the students from this clique were in our top ten, and it was common knowledge that they cheated on every assignment they turned in - but no one wanted to say anything, because everyone wanted to be a part of this inner circle and not get on their bad side.

Essentially, this was the reason I wanted to leave Mechanicsville/Richmond by the time I was fifteen. I wanted to get away from them...and I wanted even more desperately to get away from the person that I felt like when I was around them.

You would think that, by the time we all turned 23, 24, 25, that people would have gotten this behavior out of their system. That we'd all be a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and little bit more mature and self-respecting. Instead, I find myself surrounded by people who remind me more and more of the people I tried to escape for eleven long years...and I find myself regressing into that sad, bitter, lonely person that I thought I had finally left behind.

Maybe this doesn't justify me being catty towards certain people...but I hope that people understand this much: this is sort of like me getting out all of those things that I wanted to say back then, when I didn't have the strength to do so.

2 Comments:

At 9:11 AM, Blogger glamourous cod said...

assholes will be assholes.

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger glamourous cod said...

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