Wednesday, May 31, 2006

captain oblivious at your service

So I got back from vacation yesterday afternoon. I go into the bedroom, turn on the light, and look up. I notice that two of the boards on my ceiling are a different texture than the rest... And then I notice that there's a giant water stain on the ceiling above my bed.

I've been sitting here for the last 24 hours wondering (a) if those boards were different textures before I left, and (b) if that water stain has always been there.

I mean, you would think that I would've noticed it if it were there before I left, given the fact that I spent half of the semester in bed sick. But apparently, I didn't.

Whatever. Back to Gilmore Girls.


Sunday, May 28, 2006

it's official...

Summer vacation has started.

The journal applications are done (not "good", but "done").

The wedding is over.

So, I hear you asking what I'm going to do to celebrate? Well, I think the answer is obvious.

I'm going to DC to hit up some museums. And then I'm going shopping for home furnishings. Because there's nothing I love more than history and IKEA, all rolled into one blissful excursion.


Friday, May 26, 2006

why i'm not making law review

I realized last night that I never included the mandatory "cover sheet" with the application that I had to rush to get in the mail on Monday. See, I was busy with packing to come east/driving east/spending time in NY with friends/driving south/finishing the case note/finishing the "diversity" statement that I overlooked the line on the instruction sheet that says that I had to include a cover sheet with my name/address/e-mail.

All that work...and I submit an effing incomplete application. I violated my number one rule - if you can't read and follow directions, you are too stupid to be in law school. Good job, Self.

So now I've gotta put 150% effort into this International Law Journal application, since I have absolutely no chance of making Law Review. And I have about two hours to finish it, since I have to drive through rush-hour traffic to get to the wedding rehearsal tonight.

I quit.


Thursday, May 25, 2006

the south would rise again

...if it wasn't too busy reapplying it's makeup.

I have to go to Panera Bread every day to use the free Wi-Fi connection because my friends haven't gotten their internet installed yet. So needless to say, I'm seeing all sorts of people.

But today, I have to blog about this one woman. This one woman is old and kind of crusty, wearing a head-to-toe orange outfit, and is quite obviously pleased with her "rich" looking self. And I have spent the last five minutes (not exaggerating) watching her apply lipstick at the table (not including the time she spent touching up her foundation, etc). Not kidding. There was lip liner, then lip gloss, then one shade of lipstick, then a second shade of lipstick, then more lip gloss, and then a smug look in my direction.

My response? A smug look right back at her, because I can tell that she's got lipstick all over her teeth, and the nasty look she gave me when I sat down doesn't warrant any sort of politeness from me. And because I can't just walk over there and stab her in the jaw...metaphorically speaking, of course.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

please check your brain at the mason-dixon line

A few tidbits from the drive from New York to Elliot Yamin's my hometown of Richmond, Virginia...

Me: Can I get a grande sugar-free hazelnut mocha light frappuccino?
Barista: [thinks] Do you want that hot or cold?
Me: (umm...isn't the definition of "frappuccino" a cold, tasty beverage?) I want the mocha light frappuccino with sugar-free hazelnut syrup.
Barista: [grimaces] Eww. [punches order in]
Me (thinking): (You're judging me? You work at a Starbucks at a roadside oasis along I-95 in Maryland, and you're passing judgment on me??? Furthermore, I don't pay over 4 bucks for your commentary on my choice of beverage. I am paying for coffee, which means that you give me coffee, we exchange pleasantries, and I go on my way. THAT IS HOW THIS WORKS!)

...standing at the grocery store where I used to work, buying a candy bar...

Employee: How are you doing?
Me: Good. (pays self-checkout machine)
Employee: You know, if you keep eating those, you're going to gain back all of the weight you lost.
Me (thinking): (You haven't seen me for six months, and that's what you have to say to me? That buying a delicious candy treat will make me fat? It's ONE candy bar. So I haven't been to the gym in the week because I've been, oh, driving ACROSS THE COUNTRY. I'm not in here every day buying these Reese's Cups. You have no basis for this comment about me continuing to eat candy bars. And oh yeah - you are NOT my mother. So let me eat my treat in peace.)

I had barely been in town twelve hours when I got recruited to play softball with my former firm's team tomorrow night. There may be t-shirts made celebrating my one-night-only appearance on the field. You know, kind of like Cher's farewell tour, except I'm not going to be making one-night-only appearances until I'm 80 and on my sixth nose.

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

hippies hate death metal

Would it be a bad idea for my entire Diversity Statement for the WLR application to explain that (1) I am not diverse, and (2) diversity statements are useless?

'Cause that's pretty much what I'm doing.

And I threw in a Sebastian Bach reference, just because I am the awesomest person alive.

If I got my friend's cat to help me with the Bluebooking exercise, does that violate the WLR non-collaboration policy? 'Cause I don't see anything about here about pets of friends, but I'm wondering if Kitty is included in the "but not limited to" clause of the disclaimer...


Friday, May 19, 2006

if i can make it there, i'll make it anywhere

My 9 hour drive to the Ohio-Pennsylvania border (my pit stop on the trek to NY) took me 10.5 hours, thanks to evening rush hour traffic in Chicago. I really do enjoy going 4 miles an hour - does wonders for the gas mileage. And northwest Indiana smells like mung.

Dear Guy Behind Me on the Dan Ryan,

I'm sorry if I grossed you out when I started spitting mouthfuls of water out of my car window. See, I figured that I should make use of the two hours it took for me to drive from the Northwest 'Burbs to the Southeast 'Burbs, and used that time to whiten my teeth. As the goop from the Crest Whitestrips leaves a nasty film on my teeth, I had to rinse it out. Multitasking is a skill, and I can't help it if I excel at it. Besides, the sight of U.S. Cellular Field makes me want to heave.

Sox suck,

Dear Douchebags on I-80 in Ohio,

It's a one-lane road through a construction zone. Unlike you, I have neither a death wish nor the funds with which to pay the doubled fines for speeding in a work zone. I'm also fairly certain that the guy in the van in front of me is wasted, and I'm trying to stay away from him. So drop the hemorrhoid act and BACK OFF!

Someone pass the Preparation H,


Dear Northern Pennsylvania,

You're really pretty. However, the drive would have been much more scenic if you carved a Starbucks into the side of a mountain. Trust me.

Capitalism rules,

Dear Studio that Distributes "The Da Vinci Code",

You know, it probably wasn't the best idea to include a trailer for "World Trade Center" in the copies that were sent to theaters in the New York metro area. Some folks just aren't ready for that.

Just a suggestion,

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006


Is it stupid for me to work with my laptop actually on my lap while a thunderstorm is going on?

(I guess the only way that I'll get a definite answer to that question is if I end up getting electrocuted.)

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Monday, May 15, 2006

can't buy me three musketeers

I wish my biggest problem in life was the decision that we're going to have to wait all summer for Meredith to make:

Patrick Dempsey or Chris O'Donnell?


do you need any stamps with your purchase?

So, if you've read this blog in the last week or so, you know that I'm leaving town this Thursday.

The Law Review packets are to be done by next Monday, May 22nd. Now, I was planning on finishing up on Wednesday night and hitting the law school on my way out of town Thursday morning to drop off my completed application.

And then I actually opened the packet last night (I know - more than 24 hours before the thing needs to be done!) and discovered that I can only hand-deliver packets between the hours of 9:00 and 5:00 on May 22nd. Otherwise, I have to mail it in.

That's right. Because I'm leaving town on Thursday, I have to spend two bucks on postage to mail the thing in. So I either need to (a) find a post office in NYC, (b) hope I get to Richmond before 5:00 to mail it in there, (c) find a post office somewhere along the I-95 corridor on Monday, (d) find a post office somewhere along I-90 or in PA...

or (e) go to my post office here in Madison and mail it. And then brace myself for the looks I'll get from the clerks as they say "You know, that's just down the street. Why don't you hand deliver it and save the money?"

And then I'll sigh heavily and say, "Well, I can't hand deliver it, because I can only hand deliver it between 9 and 5 on Monday, and I'm leaving town as soon as you accept my payment. Oh, and I can't get a friend to hand it in for me, because I don't want the powers that be to think that my friends opened the packet while I was out of town and used my awesome writing ability, mad Bluebooking skills, and phenomenal diversity essay about life in the Old South to improve their own submission. "

Maybe I should worry more about getting the stupid thing done before I worry about wasting two bucks on mailing it in. And I should buy some more printer paper, now that I'm thinking about it.


Sunday, May 14, 2006

raiders of the remote control

What exactly about Caddyshack screams "appropriate for broadcast on ABC Family"?

Meanwhile, I finally joined the 21st century yesterday when I broke down and bought a copy of The Da Vinci Code. And after all of this time, I read the entire thing - cover-to-cover - in about 5 hours last night.

But have I even opened the Law Review packet to read the three dozen or so pages of materials? Not so much. In fact, the only thing that I've accomplished from the to-do list I composed several days ago is....okay, I haven't done any of that yet. But I have until about 9am Thursday to get it all done. That's not that bad... [cringes]

Oh well. Back to watching Gilmore and The West Wing.


Saturday, May 13, 2006

being lazy is a sport

I've spent so much time laying on the couch watching TV that I've actually hurt myself.

Therefore, I'm putting myself on the 15-day DL. No more laying on the couch watching TV until my back is better.

Rehab for this injury? No, it's not "working on Law Review packet". Not at all. It's more along the lines of watching TV in bed, instead of on the couch.


Thursday, May 11, 2006

there's no "chill time" scheduled at 4:00!

It's no secret that I really enjoy my sitting-around time. And I was looking forward to having more of it now that exams are done. In the spirit of everyone whining about how much stuff they have to do now that exams are over (ooh! ooh! over here! look at me! I deserve pity too!) , here's my List O'Crap to Do before I leave for New York next Thursday:

--FedEx laptop to Texas for maintenance
--call judge about my schedule for the summer
--Law Review packet
--International Law Journal application
--wash massive piles (yes, that's plural) of dishes in the kitchen
--shred the giant pile of old bills sitting by the shredder
--call the bridal shop in Richmond to make sure they can press Bridesmaid's Dress #2: Electric Boogaloo in the five days before the wedding
--catch up on trashy magazine and chick-lit reading
--buy new ink for the printer so that I can actually turn in a WLR/WILJ application
--figure out which SBA member's butt I have to kiss to get a link on the "student blogs" list of the SBA website (without having to un-declare my holy war)
--hit the bank, so that I have enough to pay for my exorbitant out-of-state tuition for the summer
--trip to Firestone to make sure my car will make it to NY, VA, and back without falling apart
--did I mention cleaning?

Good thing I didn't hop in the car after Property yesterday and drive to Austin like I wanted to...


Wednesday, May 10, 2006

the tale of how i bombed my property final

6000 words.

5 hours.

Yeah. You do the math. (That actually only breaks down 20 words per minute...but if you factor in the actual "thinking about the exam" and "trying to formulate a coherent answer"...)

Okay. Maybe I didn't finish because I just work slowly. But still. An exam consisting of four essays and four long short-answer questions isn't exactly fun - particularly when all of the practice exams for Professor Death Eater are only three essays long. Thanks for the big fat fake-out, man.

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

how to make me really mad really quickly

Wait for the most emotional moment during the season finale of "Gilmore Girls" to pick up the phone and call me. Because not only do I miss what's going on because of the cell phone ring, but I miss what's going on because I'm searching the room for my cell phone to turn the ringer off so that I can concentrate on the show. And then I turn the phone off and get back to the show, but I don't know what Lorelai just said and things are happening and I'm confused and really, really angry at this person who just called me. (This, of course, may explain why I have very few friends. Just a theory.) But I did manage to catch this line:

"For months, I've been skulking around and not having an opinion like I'm Clarence Thomas."

So since "Gilmore Girls" threw in a line about law, I decided that made up for all of the studying I've been putting off, and continued to not study for Property.

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Right now, I'm torn between just going into my Property final with my 10-page outline, and actually working on making a checklist to accompany that outline tonight.

I'm leaning towards not making the checklist. It depends on how much time I'll have to devote to "mentally preparing for 'Gilmore Girls' season finale" and "recovering from 'Gilmore Girls' season finale" tonight.

Plus, if all else fails, I figure that I can answer every question for which I don't know the answer by writing "Denny Crane". And I don't think that I need a checklist for that.

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Monday, May 08, 2006

how to study for finals

1. Obtain as many commercial outlines as possible.
2. Crash study group consisting of all of the smart people from your class and absorb as much information as possible.
3. Go home and watch TV.


Saturday, May 06, 2006

where do they find these guys?

The proctor for our Civ Pro exam put his head down to take a nap. That's not fair, taunting us overtired and overstressed law students like that.

And then he got up with fifteen minutes left in the exam to interrupt me while I was furiously trying to finish my exam (since I still had two questions left to answer) and tell me that my sandals made too loud of a noise against the floor when I shuffled or tapped my feet. Excuse me. I'm sorry I was annoying the three people in the room who weren't plugged into their iPods...and I'm sorry that my foot tapping was audible over the sound of fifteen people typing furiously. Next time, leave me alone. Or, better yet, you should've given me enough time to finish my last sentence when time was called, since you took a minute out of my exam-taking time that I shall never get back, and prevented me from being able to conclude my sentence in an understandable manner.

While I'm complaining - the "error" you (and all of the gunners) were so concerned about that it caused you to have to interrupt both halves of the class to point out? Yeah. That error didn't matter one freakin' bit to the answer...and for my fellow students, if you'd sat there and read the question and thought about it for five seconds, you would've figured that out too and moved on. So thanks for interrupting me for no valid reason whatsoever.


Friday, May 05, 2006

signs, signs, everywhere a sign

When your binder full of outlines, class notes, and reading notes for the exam you're taking tomorrow jumps down from the shelf on the treadmill and slides away, this should tell you two things:

(1) It's time to stop working out and go home.
(2) It's time to stop studying and watch TV.


i think i pulled my studying muscle

When I printed out my class notes for Civ Pro last night, I was shocked to discover that I only took 15 pages of notes over the course of the semester.

My Civ Pro outline, as it stands now, is 18 pages long.

Doesn't that sort of, I don't know, defeat the purpose of having an outline?

Side note: Who let Teri Hatcher write a book?

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

old habits

Like my disastrous Crim Pro final, my Civ Pro final is open-everything, and has a 3 hour time limit.

Unlike my Crim Pro final, I know about this time limit beforehand (thanks to C).

I've got the basic structure of my outline done, but I still need to go back and fill in with class notes, reading notes, and Lexis details. And I need to put together something on class actions. And then actually sit here and study stuff so that I can actually finish this exam and not sit here for two days afterwards going "Jesus Christ, I didn't even answer that question, did I?"

I'll get started on all that right....after I finish watching "General Hospital".

(You didn't think I'd actually reform my ways, did you?)

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

and i didn't even have to go to the library

I spent about two hours today tabbing my Civ Pro book and the Lexis Civ Pro outline.

Does that count as studying?



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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

wanted: new magic 8 ball

Me: Did I fail my Crim Pro exam?
Magic 8 Ball: You may rely on it.
Me: Did I fail my Crim Pro exam?
Magic 8 Ball: You may rely on it.
Me: Did I fail my Crim Pro exam?
Magic 8 Ball: YES.

If my Magic 8 Ball could say "I already said yes. Accept it and move on. Suck failure, LaFleur!", that's where it would've said that. And then a random skateboarder would've come through my apartment and tried to run me over.

It's over and done with. I'll finish whining sometime Friday afternoon...coincidentally, the whining will cease at about the same time I start panicking about my Civ Pro exam.

(Aside: Anyone in Meili's Civ Pro II class - do we get 3 or 4 hours to write our answers?)

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maybe today is just not my day

My first final (Crim Pro) was this morning. If this morning were a Magic 8 Ball, it would read: "All Signs Point to Flunking".

1. I Missed the 7:45 bus by about 100 feet.
2. Bus option #2, the 7:59 bus, was 10 minutes late, causing me to run into the room as the exam started
3. Did I mention that I got HIT BY A BICYCLIST while walking in between bus stop #1 and bus stop #2? WHO GETS HIT BY A BICYCLIST?????????
4. I learned when I got into the test that I had 3 hours for the three-essay exam instead of the usual four (I had practiced for 4 hours for the exam).
5. Therefore, I didn't finish the exam. I spent too much time outlining (about 1.5 hours) and ended up giving a half-paragraph, half-outline answer to the first question (I answered the last question first, then work my way back forward). I literally needed 10 more minutes to finish converting the outline into paragraph form. So my professor is going to see my disjointed, rushed, half-outline answer to the first question, and then read the last two well-thought-out answers with disdain stemming from the shoddy response to the first question. And I didn't spellcheck.

Needless to say, I want to cry. Badly.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

i just realized something

My dreaded Property final is next Wednesday morning.

The "Gilmore Girls" season finale is next Tuesday night.

Do you think this counts as an "emergency" that warrants rescheduling the exam?

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is it may 10th yet?

I plan on spending today studying until "CSI: Miami" comes on at 9.

And by "studying", I mean "watching 'General Hospital', 'The Tyra Banks Show', 'Gilmore Girls'/'X-Files', '30 Minute Meals' hour, the first hour of the Sox/Yankees game, half hour of the Cubs/Bucs game, 'How I Met Your Mother', 'Two and a Half Men', and 'The New Adventures of Old Christine'".

That should pretty much keep me occupied until 9.

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too little, too late

Apparently, someone on the SBA got wind of my jihad. (Okay, maybe I'm not the only one who complained; I'd just like to think that someone is actually reading this and listening to me. Humor me, people.)

When I got back from the gym this morning, I found a clarification e-mail from the SBA regarding locker cleanout which contained the following:

"7) Our apologies for not notifying you all of the sticker removals, we will do our best to notify you when any new maintenance will take place."

That's great and all, but I really would like Jethro Q. Walrustitty back. As you cannot restore me to the position I was in prior to your nefarious actions, I will not be backing off. Besides - there are no "take-backs" in the declaration of holy war.

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