Tuesday, February 28, 2006

if i thought about law school this much, i'd be in the top 10%

The only thing better than an all-new "Gilmore Girls"?

An all-new "Gilmore Girls" followed by "The Amazing Race". Gone are those stupid families - we're back to all-out war on season 9 of TAR. I would've watched more of the first episode to continue my study of TAR techniques for when I'm on the show one day, but I was watching the episode of GG that I taped while I was at the International Law Society meeting earlier.

People need to learn that Tuesday is my TV night and schedule accordingly. But whatever.

"Gilmore Girls" was fairly underwhelming, save the part where Sebastian Bach performed a cover of "Hollaback Girl", which marked the first time that I didn't want to puncture my eardrums as some sort of Pavlovian response to hearing that song. Mostly, I spent the whole episode wondering if they're really the whole "use an object to cover [lead actress's] stomach because she's knocked up but the character's not" thing with Lauren Graham (Lorelai), or if the fact that her cute outfits have suddenly been replaced by overflowing shirts and oversized trench coats is costuming's lame attempt at following trends...and basically, I'm really unsettled by the whole thing because I still have nightmares about the horror that was "Sex and the City" Season 5, and the outfits they put SJP in when she was pregnant.

Just based on the bits and pieces I saw of TAR, my early favorites are BJ and The Bear Tyler, mostly because they look like they just came back from Bonnaroo. There's the one couple who not only look alike, but both happen to look like Julia Sweeney's Pat character from "Saturday Night Live", which is disturbing on several levels. And, of course, the obligatory Team of Slutty Young Women and Team of Horny Young Guys are present and more disgusting than ever.

And I think I have avian flu.

this is why i stick to solitaire in class

Today was my third day of having to fear the "on-call" monster in Civ Pro. Meanwhile, most of the people had been keeping up with the syllabus, completing the assignments for each day since we never know when the professor's going to magically speed up and catch up. Unfortunately, a lot of those people didn't find out until we got here today that the assignment we were supposed to do for today is actually due on Thursday. This assignment includes the "Erie" problem (i.e., when do state laws apply to a case in federal court).

That said, I would like to present my reason for being thankful for blind grading...

Prof: [DM], can you respond to Defendant's argument that supplemental jurisdiction would not apply in this case?
DM: I think this would be more of an Erie problem than a "complex issue of state law" problem (under 28 USC 1367(c)).
Prof: What do you mean by Erie problem?
DM: I mean what we were supposed to be talking about today…

Monday, February 27, 2006

all i need is a picture to put on the milk carton


One (1) ounce of motivation to complete homework assignments due between now and Spring Break (for these purposes, 3:30pm on Thursday, March 9). This motivation was the last of many ounces of motivation that had been used by one Dangerous Mind to complete homework assignments beginning in August 2005. The ounce of motivation in question was last seen in Prof. D's Research class between 11:00 and 11:55 on the morning of Monday, February 27th, when it left the body it had occupied when it became painfully obvious that the motivation had been used to compile work product on which the remaining students in that Research class would be piggybacking their own work.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of the lost motivation, please notify your local authorities immediately.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

this field, this game: it's a part of our past

Turns out all I had to do to bypass the horror of the cubs.com Virtual Waiting Room was wait a few days after tickets went on sale.

Sure, I don't get the tickets for the weekend of the home opener like I did last year, when I got to see Jeremy Piven throw out the first pitch (that made sitting in the cold wind watching the Cubs beat the Brewers in 12 even more worthwhile)...but I have my tickets - for the last Friday in April. Ten bucks says that either Prior or Wood will be on the DL by then...

I grabbed some good half-price seats for the weekend before that in Milwaukee while I was at it - mostly because I want to experience this whole "dudes running around dressed as sausages" thing in person.

Friday, February 24, 2006

all the fun of the DMV without the joy of screaming children

Such is the "Virtual Waiting Room" that awaits ticket buyers on chicagocubs.com. Single-game tickets went on sale this morning, and in an *attempt* to be fair, the webmasters designed a "Virtual Waiting Room", where you could queue up with everyone else looking for tickets.

The catch? Unlike the first-come, first-serve wonder that awaits Ticketmaster.com customers, the Cubs instead selected people randomly from the VWR. So if you signed on at 9:30 when the room first opened (like me), you could still be sitting there at 12:00 waiting for them to let you buy tickets. If this were a normal ticket vending operation, I would've had my tickets for the home opener about an hour and a half ago. Now, the home opener is sold out...and my only option for that date is to go bid $70 for two (otherwise $17) nosebleeds on eBay. Time to start a two-pronged attack in order to get one - just one - ticket for the Saturday game.

I just want to watch some baseball - is that too much to ask???

UPDATE: Apparently yes, it is too much to ask. After waiting four long hours in the VWR, the April 8th game sold out as well. So here I sit without tickets for the Cubs home opener...and my baseball watching fun will have to wait until the last weekend in April.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

i've got mad time management skills

I had this dream last night that I was at the gym running (which I believe was my subconscious telling me to stop being lazy and using the whole cold/flu thing as an excuse to not work out, get off my rear, and go to the gym).

I woke up this morning with sore shoulders, sore back muscles, and the grinding sensation I get in my hip when I run a lot.

I think combining sleep with working out may be the smartest thing I've ever done.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

is that next to the cordless drills?

"If you're gonna steal ladies' underwear, go to Victoria's Secret. But Sears? What do they have, the Craftsman Thong?" ~Crim Pro professor, on a prosecution clinic case from a few years ago.

one of life's great dilemmas

Instead of doing my Citation homework, I'm sitting here thinking about one very important question:

Which is the better Easter candy - Cadbury Creme Eggs or Cadbury Mini Eggs?

And whatever happened to the Cadbury Chocolate Creme Egg? They came out at the same time as the Caramel Egg, but all that Caramel is sickening, and the Chocolate one was just chocolately goodness in a shell of chocolatey goodness - you can't go wrong there...

(Note: not to be considered in this evaluation of Easter candy delight is the fact that the British version of the Cadbury Mini Egg is disgusting.)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

mindless drivel (as if there's any other kind)

My thoughts on this year's Olympics? Dick Button is a crazy old man. After devoting much time to thinking about this subject, I still can't decide where to rank him on the list of Most Annoying Sports Announcers, including such names as: Tim McCarver, Stuart Scott, Hawk Harrelson, and Billy Packer. He's got Packer and Scott beat in my book...I think his man-crushes on every Russian male singles skater parallel McCarver's man-crushes on Derek Jeter...but are the hours of mindnumbing analysis of figure skating more or less tolerable than McCarver's shocking lack of baseball knowledge or that god-awful "He Gone!" home run cry that causes my remote to change the channel off of WGN whenever the Sox are on (disregarding the fact that my remote is also a good Sox Hater)?

On the PILF Chili Cook-Off...
Me: Do I still have to pay if, say, I want to bring my own chili from home, heat it up in the microwave, and eat it by myself while sitting in the atrium at the same time the chili cook-off is going on?
D: Yes.
Me: I have to pay to sit in the atrium and not participate? Are you kidding me?
D: But it's for charity.

Of course, my attitude is probably because I'm completely indifferent any time I see anything related to public interest law - I can't help it if my former firm job instilled in me a love for screwing people over.

"If any of you don't have an underage drinking ticket, we probably made a mistake letting you in here." ~ Crim Pro professor, on the answers he generally saw on the "full disclosure" section of law school applications.

i need more cowbell

I walked into my Property classroom yesterday afternoon and immediately began to feel dizzy. I started sweating, my head started pounding, and my stomach started churning. I began to ascend Everest and had to stop halfway up because I couldn't breathe. So I did what any person with a brain should do: I turned around and walked right back out (after C, M, J, and A convinced me to leave because hey, what are friends for if not to provide noteage?).

I'm not sure if it was an anxiety attack because some guy was going on and on about how professors who torture the kids who don't know the answers to their questions are great, because people deserve being made to feel like scum for "not being prepared" instead of the professor moving on to someone who actually knows the answer (sorry, but some of us are prepared - i'm guessing that makes us "not smart"), or if it's some sort of icky virus. I hope it's a virus. That's probably not a good thing to wish for.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

eyelid twitching is most often associated with fatigue or stress

At least, that's what WebMD says about my eyelid twitching that won't go away. It also says to call a health professional if it lasts longer than a week. By my calculation, it's been about two weeks since this blasted twitching started. So that means that my eye will actually fall out of my head by the time I leave for spring break.

The fact that I'm sitting here trying to finish my Property reading for the week isn't helping. Nor is the fact that I'm stressing about what I'm going to do this summer - in fact, the Summer Job Express is the train of thought that generally causes the twitching to start. (Hee. I'm punny.)

On one hand I have the job option. I can keep applying for jobs that I know I'm not going to get because, let's face it, my grades are in the toilet. I can keep applying for internships that, again, probably not going to get. Or I can apply for a bunch of public interest things that don't interest me at all. (Part of the problem with working for legal counsel for a big nasty corporation for a few years is that I now have absolutely no problem with screwing over the regular Joe.)

On the other hand I have the study abroad option. I have a bunch of friends telling me to just shut up and go do it, because (a) I'm not going to get to take these types of classes at UW, and (b) these classes are what I'm really passionate about. But at the same time, I won't have the legal "work" experience that they say is so valuable for this summer...I'll be doing something "law-related", but it won't be working. And then there's the whole money issue. But it's a vacation that doesn't involve using PTO - the last time in my life I'll be able to pull that one off. And even though I know people who have done just this and gone on to find good jobs, I still read a lot that says "if you want a job your 2L summer, don't study abroad."

My problem is that I don't want to seem like a cop-out when it comes to this job searching thing (which, let's face it, I am), but I'm having the hardest time deciding when enough's enough. How long do I wait for firms to respond to the grades I sent them weeks ago? Do I really want to keep applying for jobs that I know in my gut that I have no chance of getting until April, at which point it would be too late to choose option study abroad and end up working at Wal-Mart all summer? Do I want to commit to studying abroad when I still have all of these loose ends with firms who haven't even decided yet if they want to hire summer associates? Can I even dream of participating in OCI next fall with mediocre grades (unless I pull straight A's this semester), study abroad, and two years of legal expeience prior to entering law school?

How screwed am I, really: very, very very, or unbelievably?

Needless to say, these questions have been leaving me crankier than normal these past few weeks, mostly because I'm too scared that what I really want to do will amount to career suicide before my career even begins. And I'm seriously looking into some sort of plastic surgery option that would have my eyelid permanently stapled to my browbone, or some sort of eyelid muscle removal surgery...any way in which I can ensure that my freakin' eyelid will stop twitching already.

Friday, February 17, 2006

my tuition is paying for this???

Dear Professor Crotchbat Douchebag McGee of my Property Class,

I don't care how old you are. I don't care how long you've been with this university. I don't care how many fancy degrees you have from world-renowned universities. I don't care if you used to run this joint.

There is no excuse for laughing at students when they're trying to answer your convoluted questions and fail. It's sick. It's demeaning. It's about as funny as Schindler's List. And it doesn't exactly help us learn anything, except how to feel more like the village laughingstock when we get something wrong.

Seriously, how many judges outside of David E. Kelley shows will laugh openly in court at a lawyer who is struggling to make an argument?

We probably deserve to be treated a little bit better than this.


Thursday, February 16, 2006

faith plus one

After yesterday's shanghai in Property class, I was feeling pretty down on my luck.

But that all changed today, when I found viable proof that God does, in fact, love me. Why? Because the University of Wisconsin cancelled all post-4:30 classes...the first class cancellations in sixteen years....meaning that my Property class was cancelled.

I actually sat there for about thirty seconds, thinking that I should finish my reading for Property before the long snowy trek home. And then I came to my senses and ran, mostly because I saw my evil Property professor roaming the 5th floor, and I feared that if I sat around much longer, he'd spread some insane message that "all post-4:30 classes does not include the 4:35 Property class"...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

no, seriously

Why has my left eye been twitching almost constantly for the last week?

Oh, well. Check out all the snow that fell during the hour and a half I was at D's forgetting everything I've learned about knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em...

if my critics don't like it, they can just eat it

That quote is one of the many reasons why I love American figure skater Johnny Weir, in all of his fabulousness. Plus, putting that post title up is much nicer than, "I got raped in Property today". Which is a fairly accurate description of today's on-call experience.

Essentially, my professor is a crotchety old man who thinks he's being funny when he cuts us off while we're trying to answer his questions, generally to make fun of us. I was trying to define "injunction" when he said that word sounded like "the thing that they put your head and arms through in the middle of the town square" (stocks, for anyone with a brain). And of course, the whole class laughs - because it's funny when it's someone else who's out there with no life vest.

You would think that he would've known that I really had nothing intelligent to say when he asked me for the fifth time what the holding of the case was, and I repeated for the fifth time what I said with the disclaimer, "Well, this is what I got out of the reading." And then I broke a nail, which multiplied my distress tenfold.

In the end, it turned out that pretty much on point...I just wasn't giving the answer he wanted at the time, and I'm guessing that he was trying to make me feel like an idiot so that I'd give the right one (because I can't figure out a good excuse for his douchebaggery). But at least I had friends IMing me funny websites to keep me from climbing down from the peak of Everest to claw the professor's eyes out.

I hate law school...mostly because any time I open my mouth, I have that nagging "I'm really not cut out for this" feeling. I should've been a pirate, or something equally sweet, instead.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

real time with property class

4:32pm - Why is the professor rewriting Remembrance of Things Past on the chalkboard?

4:36pm - Hooray! No class next Thursday or Friday!

4:37pm - Hooray! Class is ending early so that I can start my evening of watching "Gilmore Girls" and figure skating earlier than expected...

4:40pm - Start first game of Spider Solitaire

4:41pm - Professor asks what's new in the fashion world to prove a point about novelty in patent law. DM bites tongue, not wanting to tell professor that "what's new" is the same crap that most people wore twenty years ago.

4:44pm - Huh. Apparently, 'deconstruction' is a fancy word for 'break something down'. I wonder if Posh Spice knows that.

4:48pm - I wonder how the GemMagic got a patent, because it's really just the Bedazzler with a stand.

4:52pm - The professor informs the class that the word 'bar' has multiple meanings. Make mental note to look that up when I get home.

4:54pm - Why is the professor looking at me?

4:59pm - Professor starts pointing to Remembrance of Things Past on chalkboard. I realize that, from the top of Kilimanjaro, I can't read anything he's written. Squint. Realize that his handwriting is crap, and that a handout on this mess would have been a lot more useful.

5:02pm - Look up how to spell "Kilimanjaro".

5:03pm - What do I want for dinner?

5:03pm - Are we done yet?

5:04pm - My eye resumes twitching.

5:07pm - Student: "I don't understand what you're asking me."
Professor: "I don't know what I asked you."

5:08pm - "Leaving early" better mean that we get to leave more than 5 minutes early.

5:09pm - If a patent is issued in the woods and no one knows about it, does anyone care?

5:11pm - I need a taco.

5:15pm - Yo, chick in the back of the classroom? The professor is deaf. You need to learn to speak up. I can barely hear you, and I'm sitting two seats away.

5:16pm - Jesus, my laptop fan is loud.

5:18pm - Did the professor actually say that we get to leave early today, or am I on glue?

5:19pm - Ooh! He just said "finally"! Thank Jeebus, there's an end to this nonsense in sight.

5:23pm - Panic about being "on call" tomorrow.

5:24pm - Shoot evil glare in direction of Question Asker #2, since I thought that "any questions" at the end of a lecture was a rhetorical question.

5:25pm - Yep. "Leaving early" means 5 minutes early.

how to not compliment a woman

"Hey, [DM], Condi Rice called. She wants her boots back." ~Other D, on my formerly-known-as-cute-boots boots.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

downhill library sabbaticals

"I realized today that I hate you, because now whenever I see the infomercial for the Magic Bullet on TV, I have to stop and watch it." ~phone message left by my sister while I was in the library. She's in denial of the fact that she finds Hazel's three-inches of cigarette ash positively hilarious. Yes, I know the names of the characters in an infomercial. Yes, I can recite the dialogue - it's not A Brief History of Time or anything. What...wait...there's a knock at the door. What are these doctors doing here with that strappy white jacket??? Hey, let me go! If I'm in a padded cell, then how's my memo gonna get written? I know for a fact that Memo-Writing Gnomes don't exist. Hey! Put me down!

I went into the library to do work today for the first time all semester. That's right - unlike all of those slaves to the libes, I made it through four full weeks of class before caving in and realizing that if I sat at home to work on my memo, I'd end up watching nothing but the History Channel all afternoon. And now I can't feel my face. After six hours of toiling away (okay, watching DVDs while I worked...and taking three lengthy study breaks), my eyes started to glaze over. At that point, I realized it was either (A) a second cup o'Starcrack, or (B) go home and attempt to finish the memo. Surprisingly, I elected Option (B).

When I got home, I realized that the snowboarding was about to come on NBC's "We Only Show Americans and Winners" Olympics coverage. I'd like to think that this is purely coincidental, and not my subconscious self wanting to watch the kid who looks like Carrot Top.

The bottom line is that I don't like this "I just got run over by a John Deere" feeling I get whenever I go to the library. So I'm back on sabbatical. Indefinitely.

whole lotta pairs figure skating

I was sitting in bed watching the Olympics at around 2 this morning, when I see one of the Chinese pairs skating teams take the ice. I thought they skated about as well as Todd Bridges on Skating with Celebrities. The judges placed them ahead of the other two seemingly-mediocre Chinese teams and the American team that had just completed a jump that had never been landed in the Olympics. And I'm sitting there asking myself what about their shoddy program was so great.

Then I realize: they skated to a symphonic version of Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir". I'll admit it - if I were a judge, I would've nudged their scores up a little bit just because they skated to Zeppelin. You can't hate on people who take classic rock and disguise it enough so that it blends in with the "Bolero"s and the "Romeo and Juliet"s.

Now I really want to know what happens if you synch up a skating program with "Dark Side of the Moon".

Saturday, February 11, 2006

nordic combined individual grocery shopping

This afternoon, the entire city of Madison decided to run to Whole Foods today to pick up some organic crap that's just as bad for you as the real stuff. Me, I only needed a small can of crushed tomatoes to make chili, because apparently Copps only sells crushed tomatoes in "family size" cans.

I'm sitting in the parking lot waiting in line for a spot. And I see this woman loading her last grocery bag into her car, so I flip on the turn signal and wait. And wait. This woman spots me while taking her cart back to the cart depository, and just keeps staring at me for no apparent reason. So I stare back. And she does what I (or any other normal, mean-spirited person) would do...slowwwwwwwwws dowwwwwwwwwn.

She gets back to her car. Stops at the driver's side door. And stares at me. And stares at me. At this point, the finger that I've been tapping on the steering wheel starts going at jackhammer speed (yes, I'm that person who taps her foot when she has to wait more than five seconds for someone to get out of her way). And she keeps staring. Finally, she gets in the car and drives off.

As I'm pulling into the parking spot, the person who's been sitting behind me waiting decides to forget that he's not in England, go into the lane next to me, and speed around me. So I have to stop parking because (1) they're currently in the spot where I was drifting in order to achieve the proper parking angle, and (2) they have to stop as soon as they get around me because someone about six cars up is also pulling out of their spot.

I get in Whole Foods, I get my tomatoes, I grab a salad, and I'm heading for the checkout. Except that the store has somehow turned into bumper cars, but with carts and screaming children instead of those fun little cars. Everywhere I turn, some other idiot has stopped to talk to a person that they haven't seen since, oh, yesterday...little groups of people are stopped in the middle of the only clear path to the exit to discuss which brand of pita bread would be the best, and, did you remember to get the cheese I pointed out ten minutes ago? Oh, and if we stand here and block the flow of traffic for a few minutes, then strategically move in the same direction as the person holding two things trying desperately to get around us...there, and if we put the cart like so...perfect. Now we can stand here and talk for twenty minutes about what we did last night and not be disturbed by the people who are actually trying to shop.

Even more hopeless? Trying to get to the express lane, because the line was about twenty people long, all dangerously close to exceeding the 10-item limit. (Side note: anyone who goes into the express lane with more than two items over the limit is a douchebag, and should probably be smacked.)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

i really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah

Our Property professor decided to spend the last twenty minutes of class talking about some e-mails from students that he received this afternoon. Fifteen of those minutes were spent discussing an e-mail in which a student asked the professor to define a word he used in yesterday's lecture. That word?


That's right. Posh. No fancy legal terminology here. Posh. We spent fifteen minutes discussing the origins of the word, the different meanings of the word...basically, anything that could normally be found in a dictionary.

This leads me to believe that law school doesn't require any education past the fourth grade. Or common sense. WHO DOES THAT? Who e-mails a professor to ask for a definition? What twenty-something person doesn't know how to either use dictionary.com or a basic, run-of-the-mill paper dictionary? The only justification I can figure is that this particular person wanted to see if they could get the professor on a tangent...I mean, that's great in a 9:30am class. A 4:30pm class, on the other hand, should follow the Band-Aid logic: get it over with as quickly as possible, scream in agony for a second, and then you don't have to think about it again. If it wasn't for this MENSA reject, we would've left class about 10 minutes early.

I was five seconds away from raising my hand from the top of the Matterhorn to ask the class if they remembered Posh Spice, and to draw an inference from that. I mean, if Victoria freakin' Beckham knows the definition of the word and you don't, then you probably shouldn't be more than five minutes away from at least one doctor in a white lab coat at any given time.

jurisdiction, baked to perfection

Civ Pro II Jurisdiction hypothetical:

I live in Tennessee. I want to sue my old college buddy, Gutter, for not paying me back for a bunch of concert tickets he bought from me while we were both at college in Tennessee (said concerts took place in North Carolina). Gutter, being the deadbeat that he is, flunked out of college, moved back to Jersey, and is living in his parents' basement.

Gutter, along with some of his high school buddies from Jersey, are coming to East Buttlick, TN for a hippie jam band festival. Gutter did not go online to buy said tickets, because he was still recovering from the bender he went on the night before, and 10am was way too early for him to be conscious. Gutter was not sober when he got into the van to come down to Tennessee, nor does he even realize that the festival is in Tennessee - all he knows is that he's going to be sitting in the back of a van eating Doritos for about a day.

Can I sue Gutter in a Tennessee court based solely on the fact that the nexus of the litigation involves him stiffing me out of money that he borrowed from me while he lived in Tennessee, even though the money was used to pay for tickets that were governed by NC law? Can Gutter be considered to be purposefully availing himself of TN law when he's been stoned out of his mind for the last 10 years and isn't quite sure where as to what state he's in at any given time?

remix to ignition

It's back! The Official "Eating Mexican Food Cooked by Real Mexicans That Came Across the Border Illegally Last Week" Countdown!

Now, the Countdown won't be official, since I'm getting into Austin so late that, unless my parents decided to pick up a to-go order from Matt's El Rancho, I won't be consuming Mexican food until the next day at the very least. This time, I'm pretty much using the "Tasty Enchilada" as a symbol of my safe arrival in Texas.

So as of right now, we're looking at (at 9:01:35am) 28 days, 13 hours, 43 minutes, and 25 seconds until this:

It looks tastier in person. Trust me.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

they may take our land...but they will never take our property!

Yeah, wrap your head around that one.

Whatever happened to the word "spelunking"? My Property professor was talking about going "caving" today, and I started to wonder why the word "spelunking" was not used. I mean, they used it on Carmen Sandiego as one of the villains' hobbies. Plus, it's a much funnier word than "caving". "Spelunking" just sounds like a rock-and-roll hobby.

Then again, I shouldn't expect too much from the man who, in class today, uttered the following: "What was that show with the woman who carried a sword and wore armor...Xena? Yeah, I used to watch Xena with some friends..."

And people judge my TV watching habits........

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

starbucks: customer service geniuses or big fat enablers?

So I walk into the Starbucks on State Street this morning. The barista looks at me, reaches for a grande-sized cup, and starts squirting some syrups into the cup. I get up to the register and order my daily grande sugar-free hazelnut nonfat no-whip mocha. The dude at the register turns to the barista and repeats my order...and she says she's already making it. Already making it? I smile. That means that, in a Starbucks where hundreds of Madtowners flock every day...I am known. I have arrived. I am officially awesome.

Or I'm officially an addict.

This happened to me once before, back in Richmond, when I worked at a grocery store that was next to a freakin' Starbucks. Back then, I decided to change my order, because I didn't want to be that girl...the one who drank so much liquid crack that the baristas recognized her as soon as she entered the store.

But now...it's nice to have one less decision to make in the morning. I'm a simple person. I don't like change (much), and I'm not going to go changing my drink any time soon. So why not embrace it and say, "Thanks for making me feel like I have a place when I feel so out-of-place the remaining 23 hours and 50 minutes of my day"?

And, of course, "Thank you for enabling my habit".

moonlighting strangers who just met...in property

I'm really excited about my "Moonlighting: Complete Third Season" DVD set that I ran to Target to buy at 8:30 this morning.* Unfortunately, I have to do homework tonight between watching GG and BL/LM...mostly because the boys I play poker with on Wednesdays don't seem to know if we're playing tomorrow or not, and I have to finish all of my homework for Thursday "just in case".

"If you're getting corrected by a judge, take it. If you're getting corrected by a fellow lawyer, tell 'em to go stick it." ~Property professor, on pronouncing Latin words while on the job.

"If you see a kid on the playground with a hand grenade, tell the teacher. If you see a kid eating snot or dirt, let it go. Don't go telling the teacher who farted in class." ~Crim Pro professor, on when tattling is appropriate.

*Yes, I realize that it's no longer 1987. You don't see me in shoulder pads and pencil skirts, do you?

at least my tuition comes with free therapy sessions

Me: Is that Maine on the board?
J: No, that's Michigan.
Me: It looks like Maine.
J: Yeah, it does. But it's supposed to be Michigan.

Ahh, the Rorschach Test that is Prof. M.'s Civ Pro II class... A few minutes after this conversation took place, we realized that Michigan also had hands coming out of it. Apparently, the State of Michigan was not satisfied with it's takeover of western Ontario last week...this week, they're targeting the remaining Northwest Territories.

My professor's chalkboard drawing of Texas looked something like this:

Monday, February 06, 2006

disco stu knows his place

Sister: [Chick she graduated high school with] is getting married next October.
Me: To who?
Sister: "To whom?" would have been the proper way to phrase that question.
Me: Bite me, Cap'n Grammar.

Me: (whining) My shoes are a size too big...I look like I'm a little kid wearing Mommy's shoes!

Apparently, my feet weren't too happy wearing my cute shoes (that really are about 1/2 a size too big) today. Even though I'd been sitting down for the majority of the day, they still stung pretty badly by the time I got off the bus. So...today marked the second time since I've been in Madison that I've walked home barefoot.

Now the fact that I haven't been able to shake this cold makes sense...it's not because D keeps spreading his syphilis germs around the law school. It's actually because I can't seem to equate "below freezing" with "wearing shoes" in my mind.

the honorable gentlewoman from richmond has the floor

For your consideration...
Senate Bill #9999 - Elimination of Mondays from the Calendar.

As many before me have complained, Mondays suck hardcore. I would like to propose an amendment to the Code whereby all instances of "Monday" would be eliminated from the calendar. Work weeks would be Tuesday through Friday, with Saturday, Sunday, and the Day to be Named Later to be days of rest and relaxation.

The Day to be Named Later cannot be named Monday. Rather, since it is probably being included as part of a larger package with premiere names, consideration shall first be given to minor league Day names (e.g., "Tacky Tie Day", or "Hawaiian Shirt Day"). In order to make up for the elimination of Mondays from the calendar, CSI: Miami shall be moved to Wednesday nights.

The removal of Mondays from the calendar shall thereby eliminate all days on which one trips on State Street carrying an armload of binders and a cup of coffee. This shall also remove from the calendar those days on which you have to choose between the proverbial Rock and Hard Place that are your options for summer vacation. This will also eliminate those days on which I attend Research class from the week, thereby returning to me that hour of my life that I thought was lost forever.

Thank you.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

but can you ever just be whelmed?

Because he asked so nicely on Friday...

Other D: Why don't you blog about me?
Me: Because what I have to say about you is private, and shouldn't be put on the internet.

I decided that I'd rather watch reruns of "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy" than watch the Super Bowl. I really don't care to watch the climax of America's month-long love affair with Jerome Bettis (okay. we get it. he's going to play his last game at the Super Bowl in his hometown.). I don't like these stupid mushy pieces when they broadcast them every hour during the Olympics to talk about how Mikhail had to travel across Russia to train to become an ice skater, just so that he'd have a chance at a better life than his eighteen siblings back in that small Siberian village. And they definitely don't belong in my Super Bowl.

Plus, the Steelers are on my Top 5 Most Hated Teams list, mostly because I'd really enjoy kicking Bill Cowher in his jacked-up lip. (Side note: Roethlisberger was not in the end zone. There's no way the ball crossed the plane of the goal line. Stupid officials.)

It's not as bad as the year that I decided to watch The Godfather instead of the Super Bowl, and then fell asleep less than halfway through the movie. But it's close. Homework and FOX during the Super Bowl? Lame.

Friday, February 03, 2006

the unforgettable fire

The easiest way to get on my good side? A "Gilmore Girls" reference...

"You know that episode of 'Gilmore Girls' where Rory ends up on some girl's blog, and she says 'I've entered the blogosphere'? That's how I feel right now..." ~A., on yesterday's quotage (see previous post).

I'm happy to report that, in spite of the dream I had where I got a D, I did not fail Crim. As with my other classes, I did a slightly-above-mediocre job. But it's not failing, so that's all that matters. Sadly, I'm not out of the "You can save 10% on today's purchase if you sign up for a Red Card" woods yet... but I'd like to think that I've left "Would you like fries with that?" behind for good.

My Property professor is wearing a vest that looks like it was stolen from the Brokeback Mountain costume department. And speaking of Brokeback Mountain...if you haven't checked out "Brokeback to the Future" yet, you should do so now. Failure to do so will result in Rule 11 sanctions.

We've now resorted to referring to every person in the cases we're reading as P-1, P-2, True Owner, etc....because my professor believes that it would be too confusing for us to refer to people by their names. If we're in law school, and can't make the connection between [Name in the Case] and [Variable in Diagram on Board] so that we can discuss the case without sounding like we're in a retarded Physics class...I don't know. I've been sitting here for the last fifteen minutes wondering which party in this case is supposed to be P-2 because I have names written down in my notes, and the party that I think is P-2 isn't the party they're talking about.

It's a sad, sad day when I want to pay attention (yes, you read that right) and find that paying attention makes me want to set my head on fire - because that makes more sense than Property class does right now. Plus, this one kid who feels the need to pick his nose in front of the whole class has been talking for the better part of the last half an hour...and I really don't care which of two conflicting opinions BoogerBoy believes is more legally sound. I mean, really...I got off the couch (and skipped the 4:00 "Gilmore Girls") for this???

Thursday, February 02, 2006

the joshua tree

"It's amazing what I miss while I'm playing solitaire" ~A, on the Civ Pro prof's drawings on the board...

I've decided that my new favorite game in Civ Pro II is "Name That Shape" - the game where we guess what objects the professor's drawings on the board look like. I've found that this helps break up the monotony that is Spider Solitaire and instant messaging. For example, the other day, the professor drew New York state, except it looked like a part of the colon (Like the duodenum. Or something. I forgot everything I learned in Baby Bio the day after the exam.) Today we had (intended drawing = actual drawing):

Taiwan and Japan = Chipotle and Jalapeno peppers, respectively
A wheel = Trivial Pursuit game pie (not really a stretch there)
California = the lead pipe from Clue
Michigan = Mr. Peanut (until it tripled in size by apparently invading Canada)

Otherwise, if it weren't for Spider and NTS, I'd be sleeping through every class because of this stupid cold. I imagine it'll probably work it's way out of my system sometime around Easter...which basically means that all of my learning this semester is going to be based entirely on what I read on my own. And since I value my sitting-around time so much...yeah. Would you like fries with that?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

under a blood red sky

If I'm too tired to stay awake in class, should I even bother attending? I mean, my brain is doing that really fun "swimming through mud" sort of thing...and people are kind of looking at me funny today. I'm hoping that it's the "don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even acknowledge that I exist" look that I have on my face because of this stupid cold and the residual exhaustion, and not the new haircut.

I need more coffee, but my bank account doesn't need for me to increase my addiction to two cups of StarCrack a day. Lunch would be nice, too...but I wasn't able to pencil that into my schedule because of this stupid LR&W project. Ooh. What about a nap?! That would solve all of my problems, which means it's the least likely of all three to ever happen.

So I'm back to instituting a plague on the house of the person who gave me this cold.

wide awake in america

I've decided that the only major downfall of going to bed at 8:30 at night is the part where I wake up at 4:00 in the morning.

Need breakfast. And coffee. Now.