Sunday, February 12, 2006

downhill library sabbaticals

"I realized today that I hate you, because now whenever I see the infomercial for the Magic Bullet on TV, I have to stop and watch it." ~phone message left by my sister while I was in the library. She's in denial of the fact that she finds Hazel's three-inches of cigarette ash positively hilarious. Yes, I know the names of the characters in an infomercial. Yes, I can recite the dialogue - it's not A Brief History of Time or anything. What...wait...there's a knock at the door. What are these doctors doing here with that strappy white jacket??? Hey, let me go! If I'm in a padded cell, then how's my memo gonna get written? I know for a fact that Memo-Writing Gnomes don't exist. Hey! Put me down!

I went into the library to do work today for the first time all semester. That's right - unlike all of those slaves to the libes, I made it through four full weeks of class before caving in and realizing that if I sat at home to work on my memo, I'd end up watching nothing but the History Channel all afternoon. And now I can't feel my face. After six hours of toiling away (okay, watching DVDs while I worked...and taking three lengthy study breaks), my eyes started to glaze over. At that point, I realized it was either (A) a second cup o'Starcrack, or (B) go home and attempt to finish the memo. Surprisingly, I elected Option (B).

When I got home, I realized that the snowboarding was about to come on NBC's "We Only Show Americans and Winners" Olympics coverage. I'd like to think that this is purely coincidental, and not my subconscious self wanting to watch the kid who looks like Carrot Top.

The bottom line is that I don't like this "I just got run over by a John Deere" feeling I get whenever I go to the library. So I'm back on sabbatical. Indefinitely.


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