Thursday, April 27, 2006

my jihad against the SBA

Dear SBA,

I understand that you will be cleaning out my locker if I don't do it myself by May 14th. I am okay with this, as I have two weeks notice. HOWEVER, I would've appreciated SOME notice that you were going to be taking the decorations off of the front of everyone's locker. I really got a kick out of my advertisements for the Silly Party, and Prime Minster candidate Jethro Q. Walrustitty (whose main campaign promise is that he will do nothing whilst in office), and I'd like to think that the comics brought smiles to the faces of those around me.

Seriously, you couldn't have put this in one of your thousands of e-mails? You clog up my Inbox daily with e-mails telling me to send in outlines for the outline bank, stop by whatever table is taking up room in the atrium that day, take surveys that (let's be frank) don't matter at all, corrupt future 1L's by mentoring or leading small groups...why in the world would you decide to stop the barrage now? At least Carrie Bradshaw got a Post-It when Berger dumped her...

I see now that all of you are a part of the conspiracy that I fight against every day. Your goal is to make us all into the same mindless shells whose eyes cloud over with black oil; who wander the stacks of the library muttering Bluebook rules under our breath; who shapeshift into Walter Dickey any time anyone so much as mentions the Wisconsin Statutes.

In short, THANK YOU for stripping my locker (and thereby me) of my individuality, and that last glimmer of enjoyment I was able to glean from my days in the law school building.

Let the deluge begin,

P.S. I'd ask who I have to blow to get a link added to the "Student Blogs" list on the SBA website...but since I've declared jihad and all, I'm guessing that's out of the question, eh?

P.P.S. Why is Zack Morris on ABC's "Commander in Chief"? I mean, Geena Davis is bad enough, but when my brain hears Zack Morris and doesn't see "Saved by the Bell", stuff starts short-circuiting and smoke comes billowing out of my ears...not a pretty sight. Not that you have anything to do with the post-SBTB career of Mark-Paul Gosselaar; I'm really just curious here. So...thanks.

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At 3:30 PM, Anonymous Joint Tortfeasor said...

Can you add my name to the SBA letter? What the hell is with that really? I am not cleaning my locker, dammit. And you can't make me pay no $10. Hey, I am judgment-proof, so Ha!
Okay, fine, maybe i will clean out my locker... just cause i need one next semester. But I still don't like this, dammit.


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